Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

SuperDad, your post hit very close to dead-on w/this sitch w/H.

Yes, H is taking my ideas & bettering his R w/the kids w/them. He has never (until lately) discounted my Mothering & was always pretty vocal about giving me the credit for raising the kids so well, 'knowing' how to do it best & following my lead.

It DOES hurt that he purposely excludes me, and intimates that he would have thought of/done these things (despite me) IF he'd not been working so hard (to 'support' the fam. - oh, no his ego/aspirations had NOTHING to do w/it tho); and I guaran-damm-tee he's doing it to prove what a Great Father he is/can be all by himself.

But, no. He is not detached from me. He is trying like heck to harden his heart against me and by focusing on his financial-based anger, he's successful.

The problem is that he is afraid to even crack open the door to a new R with you for fear that it will end back up where you were a year ago. This makes me want to cry, it's so true and I can't do a thing about it.

I've got patience still. I'm still w/my Ship. I still have Hope (tho the flame flickers weakly at times). I AM a good person, smart, self-aware (now!), happy (for the most part), healthy & getting Better every day.

As for the 'beautiful', ha! Thanks. (Today, when the guy in the truck stopped next to mine at a light did the chin-jerk eye-contact thing, my first (only) thought was "Oh cr*p! Do I know him??" (I've an AWFUL memory for faces/names!) so, lol, blinders still on.


PS~Found out today that H "doesn't let" the kids call their g'mom (his mom). Don't know what that's all about but it's another thing that's (a) not my business but (b) hurts my heart for my kids' sake.