As I already said, stop trying to control the situation. You can't.
Think you'll be unable to love your W again when you get back together? Why would you be able to love another woman then? You think she wouldn't be capable of hurting you - or you her, for that matter? Are you going to continue to live your life for other people or for yourself? Granted, when you're married, you are part of a team, as the Bible says you are ONE. But you don't give up your own individuality any more than your W does. It means you work to make each other feel loved, to feel important, to MATTER in the relationship. Your W is feeling undervalued for some reason. I don't know what it is, but that feeling of being valued doesn't come overnight.
My W won't even talk to me dude, yet I'm living, I'm doing things that are good for me. She filed for D on day 1 of our separation, 3 months ago, and I'm not divorced yet. I'm still living. If my W comes to her senses and decides she can give us another chance, she'll benefit, but I'm not living for her - I have NO idea if she's coming back so how can I live FOR HER???
You have no idea if your W will come back either. But are you living for her or for you? Make the choice to live for you, then when she comes back you'll be prepared to help her feel loved to improve your marriage for the long term. If she were to come back now with you in your current state of mind, you'd both fall back into old habits and you'd end up right back here.
Take the time to learn to love yourself, appreciate what you have, and be ready for your W to come back AND be ready for her to NOT come back. When you quit NEEDING her to come back, then you'll be ready.
Good luck dude, be grateful you at least get to see her sometimes. You don't know how lucky you are.
We can talk ourselves into defeat or we can talk ourselves into victory - we are creatures of our thinking.
3/31/07 - Hit with a brick, leaving the dent there...
