I need some understanding from the men out there.

[fearless]

Lou,

I have to say your post just gives more credence to a theory I have that sex is not really the problem in most relationships it's just a SYMPTOM of other underlying problems. And those problems could be relationship/communication issues or would even be specific personal issues (typically being that one or both spouses are looking to the other spouse to MAKE them feel happy, complete, validated etc.).

I say this because if sex and only sex was the problem then it would most likely be a medical/psychological issue that could be addressed and would be addressed because everything else is so good with the relationship.

Again it's weird for me to read some many of these posts because I have never had so much angst, frustration and difficulty associated with sex in any of my relationships. I don't see myself as LD or HD and I am not an overly self-confident person as far as my looks or anything. The only thing I can look at is the fact that I have felt equal in my relationships and I have been with men that are not at all threatened by any of my strengths. Also sex is just something we do and enjoy and not some kind of battle ground for personal and relationship issues. I can also say that there are times I feel tired and not up to sex emotionally and thankfully the men I have been with have never been particularly bothered by it. (They just come back the next day and try again:) Usually to a positive result!) Somehow there seems to be a lot more than sex at hand in many of these interactions. Somehow it appears to me that many men take a single rejection and turn it into a much bigger issue than is initially meant by it. Then in turn the women see the angst, frustration, neediness, etc. from their H's as "proof" that all their H's want is sex and this cycle just allows each party to feel more entrenched with their beliefs and needs.

Just some of my thoughts. By no means do I think I have it figured out but I would love to think that I could help at least one person improve their relationship with some of these thoughts.