TAL Is there something with men only feeling closeness to their wives when they are ML? I should say sex, because my h is extremely kinky and this is just what if feels for me 90% of the time.
fearless IS feeling closeness with your wife ONLY with sex a normal feeling? Please note I asked about ONLY sex. Of course sex/ML is a great way to feel closeness but I, as a woman, don't think it should be the ONLY way anymore than any ONE thing should be the ONLY way. Some times I feel close to BB in many ways and have expressed those feelings but there is little closeness I receive in return. Then there are the unresolved sexual feelings I have that build and go unresolved.
The unresolved turns into grumpiness and upping the determination to harder in the sex dept because if I left it to BB sex might only happen a couple times a year. If my W, BB doesn't do anything about the low sexual frequency, who is going to do something?
I think some women in TAL's position, put too much energy into the thought/feeling the H only wants her for sex. I can name several things when the R is good I like about BB. Sex is or was one of the things. When the R is not so good, I don't expect BB to meet my needs very often and many of the things I try to do for her are not good enough for her or she thinks I do them just to be selfish or just for sex.
I can't win those days. I say I do things because of reason "A" and BB tells me I did it for another reason. That situation becomes a no-win destructive activity.
I am wrong if I try to be nice. I am wrong if I protect myself, I am wrong if I work to many hours, so why play a no win game?
I feel that this is all he likes about me. I don't know your H and I am different than your H, but I lived this off and on for many years. I quit playing that game. What would convince he likes you for sex and one other thing? Then name another thing he might like about you other than just for sex? If I could pry into his mind, I bet there are several things he likes or liked about you that don’t involve sex.
I heard a version of this “you don’t like me” attitude when I worked in juvenile corrections. Some boys would say I didn't like them because they were black, Hispanic, or Native American.
My reply was, "It didn't matter what ethnic group they identified with. I expected certain levels of conduct and decency. I said I don't like thieves and if they were proud they were thieves, well then maybe they had a clue why I was not warm hearted towards them some days.
He can be very cruel at times This needs to change fast and he needs to improve his attitude and behaviors. No excuse for being cruel.
Instead of telling him what you don’t want, tell him how you feel when he is cruel and tell him what you want instead.
Be nice to me isn’t an answer. Saying talk instead of yell is an answer.
