Of course sex/ML is a great way to feel closeness but I, as a woman, don't think it should be the ONLY way anymore than any ONE thing should be the ONLY way.
Nor do I. I agree with you there. There are many other ways...all of which are important. But just about all of those other ways...THE MAN CAN GET FROM HIS MOTHER. He might as well stay and live with Mom if sex is going to be lacking. It wouldn't be bad...but it wouldn't be marriage. Marriage without sex isn't worth getting married for. THAT is the context in which I say "sex is the main thing he gets married for." Not that those other things aren't important as well...they're VERY important. But he doesn't have to get married for them. He can just stay home and live with Mom.
Originally Posted By: fearless
Can men understand that feeling that sex is the ONLY thing that an H would like in his wife would be an extreme turn-off to a woman? If your wife ONLY liked the paycheck you brought home, would that be acceptable if she was willing to put out when and where ever you requested? (Would that even really be a "marriage"?)
Yes, I absolutely can understand that feeling, and I agree with it. It would certainly be just as much of an insult for a woman if the rights to her vagina were the only thing he stuck around with her for...the same as if that were the case with her regarding his paycheck.
But going to the same analogy...if her husband is a loving husband, he's not going to divorce her for lack of sex any more than he would disown his own mother. There's more glue to both relationships than that. But if he isn't getting sex, he might just as well have stayed home and lived with mom. "The rest of the relationship" is his reason for staying with her, but the sex is his reason for marrying her. He can get love, companionship, friendship, and just about everything else by simply dating her without ever getting married....or by having a good male buddy...or by staying home and living with Mom. If sex isn't part of the deal, there's no reason to get married.
Originally Posted By: fearless
Fortunately the men I have been with have had and have expressed emotional needs. So from a woman's POV, I can tell tiredandlost that I know men that do worry about being loved for who they are and want to know they have a partner who is there for them through difficult times. I also know men that need to know that their wives are there for them emotionally.
Yes, they do. But they also can usually get all those things from (I know this is getting repetitive ad naseum by now but it's still true)....Mom. Even in the Bible (Gen. 2:24) it says when a man leaves his mother and father he CLINGS to his wife and they become one flesh. Sex IS a principle aspect of marriage and it is THE aspect that makes marriage ... MARRIAGE. God didn't intend man to leave his mother to take unto himself another mother. He's supposed to be able to drink deeply of his milk, and have her enjoy doing the same with him (Solomon 5:1 or so, not-so-loosely paraphrased).
Originally Posted By: fearless
For example, IMO, the number of times her H wants sex a week is not so much an issue as the WAY he might DEMAND sex and not take TAL's feelings AT ALL into consideration. If he only wanted sex once a month but was cruel and demeaning and DEMANDED it from her, that would still be a relationship problem. And to be clear, I am NOT proposing any groveling begging behavior for sex either. I am talking about a man having a healthy (dare I say it)respect, LIKE and love for his wife in which she feels like a wife and not an object. And in return the wife should treat her H as someone she respects, likes and loves and not as an object.
I agree with all that as well. Really, I do. I am just harping on the sex part predominantly and to the relative exclusion of the rest because that in my mind was the emphasis of the original post.
