I need some understanding from the men out there.

[fearless]

Okay. Lost of interesting comments but I didn't think I read anything that addressed these issues brought up by tiredandlost:

Is there something with men only feeling closeness to their wives when they are ML? I should say sex, because my h is extremely kinky and this is just what if feels for me 90% of the time.

IS feeling closeness with your wife ONLY with sex a normal feeling? Please note I asked about ONLY sex. Of course sex/ML is a great way to feel closeness but I, as a woman, don't think it should be the ONLY way anymore than any ONE thing should be the ONLY way.

I feel that this is all he likes about me.

Can men understand that feeling that sex is the ONLY thing that an H would like in his wife would be an extreme turn-off to a woman? If your wife ONLY liked the paycheck you brought home, would that be acceptable if she was willing to put out when and where ever you requested? (Would that even really be a "marriage"?)

He can be very cruel at times

Should a wife be able and willing to have sex even if she is demeaned and insulted by her H?

just wanted to get some feed back from the men out there on how they feel sexually about their wives and the emotional needs you have.

Fortunately the men I have been with have had and have expressed emotional needs. So from a woman's POV, I can tell tiredandlost that I know men that do worry about being loved for who they are and want to know they have a partner who is there for them through difficult times. I also know men that need to know that their wives are there for them emotionally. My mom and dad went through difficult times financially as farmers and they always said what kept them going was that when one of them got down the other was there to keep them going. In other words my dad relied on my mom emotionally as often as mom relied on my dad emotionally - at least as farm as worrying about the farm and finances.

Again there are a lot of interesting points here and without much more background from TAL it's hard to say whether either of them have unrealistic expectations. IMO it's more likely that both of their positions are "realistic" and it's more that they are having issues with their communication and with being able to see the other person as a partner and someone on their side rather than as an adversary.

For example, IMO, the number of times her H wants sex a week is not so much an issue as the WAY he might DEMAND sex and not take TAL's feelings AT ALL into consideration. If he only wanted sex once a month but was cruel and demeaning and DEMANDED it from her, that would still be a relationship problem. And to be clear, I am NOT proposing any groveling begging behavior for sex either. I am talking about a man having a healthy (dare I say it)respect, LIKE and love for his wife in which she feels like a wife and not an object. And in return the wife should treat her H as someone she respects, likes and loves and not as an object.

Just my opinion and thoughts...