Wow Choco. I'll give you an A for how you handled that. And yes, she gets an F. She is desperate and hoping you will just leave. Glad you stood your ground. Laughed at this comment:
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(Stammers) "What happened to that talk we had last week? About you maybe staying with my parents?"
Gee, that sounds fun. As much as you may like your in-laws, who the heck wants to live with them? She is totally losing it. Let her move in with her parents if she is so desperate that she "can't live like this." Ugh. I just want to smack her upside the head. Interesting that she thinks you are so clueless about what is going on. She really seemed surprised you knew about the lawyer but SHE left it out in the open for all to see. She is the clueless one, not you Choco. Stay the man of steel and she will be totally thrown for a loop. She is probably hoping you will crumble, move out, and make her life easier. F#ck that! Well, as much as it is painful for you to do, I think you are acting amazingly strong. Keep it up Choco. LFL
Thank you Lillie, and thank you LfF. It was so amazingly strange, and counterintuitive (as this whole danged thing has been, all along) to go to sleep last night, having just had the biggest fight of my marriage, and feeling GOOD about it! Unbelievable.
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She is probably hoping you will crumble, move out, and make her life easier. F#ck that!
That is exactly what she's wanted to happen, LfL. From that first lunch at Olive Garden, the day after I confronted her with my "We Need to Talk" e-mail, what she has wanted is for some sort of separation, and for ME to move out, so that she can carry on a comfortable life of consuming cake. Unh-uh. Not gonna happen.
"Let's see, Wife. You are having an affair, breaking our wedding vows and ripping a bleeding gash in my chest in the process. You tell me you are no longer in love with me, and that you no longer want to be married to me. And you want ME to move out???" Rrright.
Now is a terrific time to start back to church. That hour is a great time to get one's head in order whether or not you are particularly "religious". Plus, there are good resources there for families. The reason it freaks her out is that it will be yet one more public place where her sins will be "exposed" - I mean if she doesn't come it looks bad, if she does and people invite you to things as a family what will she say?
I also question whether she can just get alimony as a matter of course. In MD there are twenty or so factors that must be met in order to get alimony. Some have to do with fault, most have to do with the W's ability to earn a living on her own (whether she has a degree, work history and such), and it is expected to be time limited, used in order to get the person "on their feet".
You did terrific in the throwdown. I would have been sorely tempted to say, "Well, maybe I should live with your parents since they like me better than you lately." How ridiculous to expect you to live with your in-laws. She isn't thinking.
Good luck - you really deserve some of this to go your way soon.
I'm sure that's EXACTLY why she doesn't want to go. Plus, she seems to be pizzed off by anything that she wanted me to do before (like color my hair) that I'm doing now, which I can understand, but this is still the right thing to do.
Unfortunately, in Florida, the divorce laws are some of the worst 2 or 3 states in the country for fathers. I will have to let those chips fall where they may. They will take her ability to work and her income into play, but she's looking at years and years of a nice revenue stream from me. Where her behavior and her infidelity WILL come into play, however, is in custody.
I found this book upstairs this morning when I went to go iron the boys' clothes for church. The ironing board is now set up in D20's old room, and wife slept in THERE last night, ON THE FLOOR! Had some blankets spread out, her cellphone charger plugged in next to her, and this book there at the foot of her bed.
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship (Paperback)
At this point, I'm really just fighting to bust up the affair, and to lead her back to a place where her heart is right with God and she's happy moving forward in her life. If that is with me -- great -- I'd love to try. If it's not, well at least I will feel like I did my job.
This is an excellent goal, Choc. If you look at how you handled last night and this morning, it looks as if you stayed exactly true to this goal.
Good Luck!!
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl-A Woman's Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship
Sounds like something from my past. BB had the Co-Dependency thing going for her. BB said she was Mrs. Lou and not a person with her own identity. No OM that I know of for BB but I wasn't exactly her man either sometimes. We had a mini-Ms./Mr. Hairdog situation sometimes. Women need to get out from under a mans thumb/control, sort of thing
Chock, some churches have a "Divorce Care" program http://www.divorcecare.com/ that I will suggest you consider.
I went because I wasn't sure what was going to happen in our situation. I sat in a few meetings and workshops with the intention of just seeing what divorced people experience. It was very easy for me to see the program's materials and subjects can be used just as easily to answer some questions and feelings you might have right now and never have the intention of D'ing.
The program can be used as a relationship recovery tool with some mental shift with in your mind. If I knew your W a little better, I would suggest she go to the classes too.
I do admire you for the things you have done recently.
Church? If you want to go, great. Don’t go to make her look bad. Go to help her and you find your way back together it that is possible.
Wow Choc - you are doing AMAZING!! You definitely get an A+ in my books and I'm a hard marker
You are showing her what real love is all about and not backing down, that takes a lot of stamina and courage and it's not always easy, I know.
She is crumbling, and as she crumbles you get stronger. Good on you!!
I'm rooting for you and your family all the way
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
