Well, it took 40 days after my confrontation of her affair, but she finally tried to goad me into a fight, and the chit hit the fan last nite.
She was starting to lose it all evening. Barely said a word during dinner. Scowl on her face. What finally seemed to set her off was that I said -- in front of the boys, whie we were eating dinner -- "now that baseball is over, I'd like for us to start going to church together again as a family." (we haven't gone, other than christmas and Easter and First Communions and stuff, in a long time, I'm ashamed to say). She slammed the dishes around while helping me clean up, then stormed off to the bedroom, where I went to go brush my teeth.
"We need to talk," she said.
"OK."
"What are we doing?"
"I don't know, what are YOUR intentions?"
(seemed to throw her for a loop)
(Stammers) "What happened to that talk we had last week? About you maybe staying with my parents?"
"I don't want to do that-- I'm not leaving my own house."
"OK, fine. Were you going to tell me that?"
"That would require you actually TALKING to me, which you haven't done all week. In fact, you've barely LOOKED at me.
"What are you TALKING about??!"
"You haven't. You've been emotionally checked out, and you haven't had your wedding rings on in two weeks. Why don't you tell me what you would like to do?"
(still stammering) "W-well, I don't know, but we need to do something. I can't live like this."
"Well, what would you like to do?"
She then started yelling at me, so I said "If you're going to yell and be disrespectful, then I'm leaving," and I walked out.
she followed me out of the bedroom, and demanded we go out back to talk. S he had already shut me down COLD when I tried to bring up the affair, so I said "If I walk out that door with you, EVERY SUBJECT is on the table."
"No, I won't talk about that."
"Then there's nothing to talk about."
"Come out here -- NOW!" *(this is all in front of the boys) :o(
After refusing for awhile, I finally went out back with her, and she said "I'm not talking about THAT. THAT has nothing to do with THIS!"
"Oh you don't think the fact that you're having an affair, in front of your entire family, has something to do with whether or not the family is going to stay together?!"
"I'm not TALKING about that!" (getting hysterical now) "I'm talking about US! You know I haven't been happy in this marriage, for a very, very long time!"
"No, I don't know that, because you never told me that. And it doesn't give you the right to have an affair, that's damaging and it's disrespectful."
(screaming) "I can't live like this! There's nothing left! If this is the way it's going to be, then I'm just going to have to make an appointment with a lawyer!"
"You already did that."
"What???"
"You already did that. When were you going to tell me about that?"
(she stormed off, slamming the door)
After about 3 minutes, she STORMED back out, saying "How long are YOU going to bug our phones??!'
(me, laughing) "What?"
(screaming) "DON'T LAUGH AT ME!!!"
"Getting a little paranoid, aren't we? I haven't bugged our phones."
"Then how do you know I have an appointment with a lawyer?"
"Because I know a whole lot more about everything, something that you've never seemed to realize. I'm not an idiot, Susan."
(she storms off again)
She may have just left, I'm not sure. I saw her grab her purse and tell the boys something. She's been a ticking time bomb all week, and this was bound to happen. I handled it OK, not as calm and as detached as I would have liked, but I'll give myself a solid "B", and her an "F+".
Oh, one more thing I missed, that she said in the bathroom: "What's with the 'going to church' thing?" I said, "That's something you've always wanted us to do more of. I thought you'd like that." She said, "Well, were you going to talk to ME about it first?"
"Why would I talk to you about going to church?"
"What are you trying to do????!'
"I'm trying to be a good dad, and a good husband, and offer you a good marriage."
(threw her completely for a loop, and she changed the subject to something else)
She did come home after being gone only about an hour, laid on the couch, TV off, with her hand over her eyes, pinching her eye sockets the way that one does when one has a really bad sinus headache. We didn't speak for the rest of the evening, and she slept upstairs on the game room couch.
