Good day. It was my D6 birthday party. Two softball games earlier, D10 and D11. Overall a great time.
B-day party was fun, my mother and in-laws were here. MIL seemed overly caring, not meaning that in a bad way. Just seemed like she was trying really hard to make sure I was okay. MIL is really torn up about all of this.
Bit of a spat this morning with W. W didn't come home until 3AM Friday morning. I have to work harder on detaching from that stuff. That is her issue.
Tonight I was sitting on our bed while D6 and friends were downstairs watching a DVD. W comes in and starts getting ready for a shower. Says to me, why are you mad again? I just looked at her. So she repeats the question adding, so you're going to be nice when everyone is here, then be mad when it's just us? By now she had walked over by me, enroute to her closet.
I got up, picked her up and put her on the bed. I kissed her neck, cheeks, forehead and lips. Then said, I'm not mad, I'm trying to watch this show, why do you need me to be mad about something? Do you want me to make something up to be mad about? She just stared at me. After a few minutes of silence and staring she said, I have to pee really bad, let me go to the bathroom and I'll be right back. I let her up and my S14 called, needing a ride home from another b-day party he attended for one of his friends.
I told her I was leaving, she came out of the bathroom and I hugged her, she actually laid her head on me and let me hold her for quite some time.
I went to get S14, picked up some stuff for breakfast since we have a bunch of rugrats sleeping over. When I got back I took a shower in our bathroom and when I came out she asked if I wanted to watch a DVD with her. So I did, but she started to fall asleep, it was late and she had a hectic day. A little after midnight I noticed she was asleep so I turned it off. She woke but I told her it was cool, we can finish it tomorrow. I said goodnight and came downstairs to make my bed on the couch.
I think I could have slept in our bed but I don't want to push it. In the past I think that is a crucial mistake I made. She would start to come around more, letting her guard down. As Chuck would say, coming out from behind the wall, and I would just be so happy at any sign of progress that I would over-react. This would freak her out, she would have to remind me that this means nothing, she really isn't trying and there is no future for us..., then I would freak out, panic and backslide.
No longer. Screw that. Patience is the name, waiting is the game.
So here I am, posting real quick and then going to sleep on my big, comfy couch.=)
