UA, How are you feeling this morning. I hope you are doing a lot better than the other night. Just wanted to swing by and say good morning and have a great week.
Ben
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
had a spew session yesterday. The more I think about this, the more I'm thinking he IS in a MLC. Wow. Bitter and hateful and none of it was coming from me.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
You're in good company UA. I just found that out about my W over the weekend. I don't know if I can stay on for this bullride or not. I hope you're taking care of you in this process though.
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
So I had asked the Shoe Goddess aka Lissie for advice on what to say to the kids when they say D doesn't have time for them....wanted to steal her quote and say thank you since her thread is closed....
Originally Posted By: Shoe Goddess
Chick, Moises has told me the same thing.
I got down to his level, and looked at him right in the eye, and said, Papi doesn't have time for you?
You? are his heart, so could you just imagine, how busy papi must be?
Moises, with tears in his eyes, looked at me and said
Mom, you always make him out to be nice, but I know he is not busy.
Then I said, I am sorry you feel that way , do you want to write papi a letter, about it, or draw about it?
He usually says I'll draw, or he usually says later, or he may write in a journal I bought him.
It hurts like hell, but I will not add fuel to the fire.
I will not hurt my chidren more, by saying your are right, your father is an A HOLE he rather be with the whore's kids than you guys.
In time my children will learn what their father is doing, but that will be from their father.
They are babies, they need to be babies.
If I start crying with them, (and I did in the beginning ALOT)
My son starts thinking, that he needs to take care of ME.
and I can not allow my son to be in a parent role. He is 8 years old.
I have to protect them. I may be wrong, I may need to lay in on the line for them, the truth.
BUT, in my gut I just can't break their hearts anymore.
I need to do this. The first time she said that to me, tears welled up in my eyes and I just told her that I loved her so much. I know that might've "invalidated" his love but @(%@&%)(@&%)@(%&
She called him Friday night .... he "didn't have his phone with him allllllll weekend".......whatever. He had it to ream me yesterday. Convenient.
I told him through his bitter hatred meannes (and telling me to STFU) that this was no longer about us - but about her.
He said this is how divorce is, and she'll hurt for a while......WTF Oh and he shouldn't be talking to me because we don't have an agreement yet and he doesn't know if he can have her on my weekend (all nasty mind you) and then says this is why he pays child support -- which I reminded him - he's not doing. He kept saying "I don't know what you want from me" Twice he asked me if I wanted him to just take custody of her.
It's OUR job to help her NOT hurt as much as possible, not make it easier.
He's upset because my stepdad taught her to ride her bike, because we took her to a ball game....but hello - every weekend he has her, he gets to be the fun parent and do stuff and I get to be the one who's a hard@$$ and it's off to bath and bedtime.......and he wants pity from me? Please.
I've apologized and shown I'm sorry so much that my stomach is literally in knots. I've cried more tears of shame, humiliation, sorry in the past year.......and I still deserve this? I still deserve to be treated like a dog? He said I was getting what I wanted and I had to remind him that no, this wasn't what I wanted but what HE wanted and he was pushing full steam ahead.
After the spew - he did text saying to text him when she wants to talk, he's sorry for yelling at me - he's just broke right now.......
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
For what it's worth and I know it doesn't help much -- he's feeling very crappy about himself right now; he KNOWS he's being a butt both to you and to your girl.
I LOVED Lissie's advice/quote and you know what? You have a lot of strength and a lot of class. I think he's partly pushing you to see if you'll act like his ex so he can say, "See? She's a b**ch too" Don't do it -- respond with class and let him be the bitter hag. Right now, keep it about your girl, follow Lissie's lead and hang in there.
I know that comes off sounding SO much easier than it really is -- you are deeply wounded. But one thing I do know to be true for me, anyway; when I am struggling it very often helps ME to have someone else to "take care of" or help out. Right now that someone is that little mini-you with the greatest smile
Last night I went to bed around 1am and she was in my bed (of course LOL)....
She said "yay" and I asked what that was about. She said she likes snuggling up to me. she is precious - despite those bad attitude moments we've been having a lot of lately.
I agree with you - that he's feeling badly or maybe he wants me to be angry with him so the D will feel better for him, he won't see me in pain.....KWIM?
He had said he didn't talk to me much anymore because I tell everyone....... Hello Pot, Meet Kettle.....
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
Originally Posted By: Shoe Goddess Chick, Moises has told me the same thing.
I got down to his level, and looked at him right in the eye, and said, Papi doesn't have time for you?
You? are his heart, so could you just imagine, how busy papi must be?
Moises, with tears in his eyes, looked at me and said
Mom, you always make him out to be nice, but I know he is not busy.
Then I said, I am sorry you feel that way , do you want to write papi a letter, about it, or draw about it?
He usually says I'll draw, or he usually says later, or he may write in a journal I bought him.
It hurts like hell, but I will not add fuel to the fire.
I will not hurt my chidren more, by saying your are right, your father is an A HOLE he rather be with the whore's kids than you guys.
In time my children will learn what their father is doing, but that will be from their father.
They are babies, they need to be babies.
If I start crying with them, (and I did in the beginning ALOT)
My son starts thinking, that he needs to take care of ME.
and I can not allow my son to be in a parent role. He is 8 years old.
I have to protect them. I may be wrong, I may need to lay in on the line for them, the truth.
BUT, in my gut I just can't break their hearts anymore.
That is what I was trying to get across to you the other night. I , on the other hand am in a completely different boat now because the STBXW wants to see them everyday and all of the time as well as cries in front of them and I become the bad guy.
So all I can say is just stay strong for your D, she will know who the better person is on her own time just do not point her in any directions other than love. Tough but I think it is what we all need to do in these types of sitch's. Love always over comes everything else.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I just need to find the phrase to use with her - or maybe it's best to ask her why she'd feel that way and reassure her that of course he loves her (even though he's acting like a (_)(_) )
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
H-36 W-38 Married 14yrs Together 17 2 Children (D12, S15) 9/20/05 - Seperated 4/23/07 - Dbomb dropped 4/25/07 - I Love you, not in love "If it's not hard, it's not worth fighting for."
she is precious - despite those bad attitude moments we've been having a lot of lately.