Well her answer last night was that Jesus is full of grace and mercy and forgiveness... I agree 100% with this...I also told her that Jesus is the great healer, savor, restorer, rebuilder, reconciler..... He gave us a book with the answers that we need and it says to me that D is wrong.
Baseball bat to you, Em. This conversation almost NEVER works. In fact, I understand why she retorted back at you. That conversation was NOT going to go anywhere. It only threw guilt at her. Yes..it makes a lot of sense to ME and YOU...but..not to her. I would refrain from this kind of talk. Listen MORE...talk LESS. Validate. 25 speaks with great truth.
Your W..like MY W..have heard this already. They know...they've heard us say it ad nauseum. EG....I used to say to my W over and over again a line that another DB'er said that moved mountains for me: "we are stronger together than apart". I loved that line...in fact...TOO MUCH. Until..one day, she said, 'yeah, financially'. I've never said it again.
Try to work on your best tools: -listening -trying not to fix -focusing on your beautiful girls -staying 'attractive'
If your W is a mining car running out of control into a mine....all you can do is step aside (or jump off). She'll find anything to support her decision, right or wrong (my W is looking for signs from beyond..in books..etc)
And finally...you MUST stay strong for your girls. One of the 2 of you MUST be the stable strong one. We already spoke of this Em, but ...those 2 girls of yours are going to choose men based on YOU. Get that book. Be the man you want your gals to marry some day. -turn the music on and dance with them in the morning -hold them...whisper to them....tell them how much daddy loves them -nuzzle them -tickle them at night..take big pillows out and make them into sandwiches with pickles, mustart, salt and pepper -reassure them that you will always be there -NEVER...NEVER....pit them between the two of you NO MATTER HOW BAD THINGS GET. NEVER MAKE THEM CHOOSE. NEVER ALIENATE.
If your beautiful girls know you love them...know you care...know you are consistent...know you go to see them at their functions....the truth 'will out' one day. They'll know Em. And one day, you'll shake the hand of the man who will marry them and you'll know you've done well. More importantly, if they come to you with a marital issue one day, what happened here will help YOU to help them.
Stay strong. Keep up the MC. Listen. Validate. Don't defend or fight. Think hard and long before responding.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
