Stillme's Chapters Continue Some More

[stillme]

No, not so much of a dent after all apparently. . . Or else a very good quick-recovery on H's behalf.

The eve of the email exchange, I had to call H at 9:30pm b/c D was having a Missing Daddy moment. After he'd talked w/her for a while, he asked her to put me on & asked for more specifics about the beginning of D's moment -- I was getting her to pack a bag o'stuff for the 2hr ride to visit my parents the next morn. & she all of a sudden broke down & asked why H couldn't come, too, he's always the driver. . . and "It's no fun w/just the 3 of us. It's got to be 4.". . . [cried/whined] "Why can't you just get along!" and finally, "I want Daddy. I miss Daddy.", so I called him -- Anyway, when I gave H the basics of this (D had alredy told him we were going to visit my parents, that she wanted him to come, it was no fun w/just the 3 of us, and he always drove us on trips, he told me, "Well, she'll get used to it after a while." I didn't have anything to say to that (dead-air, dead-air) and he talked a bit about how busy he's been on his trip, & how the CEO called a meeting on Mon. (the day he was orig. supposed to fly back) & that's why he had to switch kid-days w/me this wk. I admit I let the dead-air build; didn't really know what to respond & my heart was stil hurting for D (plus she was still sitting on my lap & I was getting her to blow her nose). I think I cut him off at one point w/a ('quit talking about it') "It's o-kay." & the convo. ended.

This morn. H called while S was in jj class. In response to his (norm) "Hey", I said "Hi" & he imm. asked "Are the kids by you?" Me: "J is here, but A is in the middle of jj class." "Oh. Can I talk to J then?" . . . pass her the phone & after a few min. she asks "Do you want to talk to mommy now?" then "Okay. Bye, daddy."

So, again, more of the same. I don't call him, and when he calls (for the kids) I either get talked to/treated like his secretary or ignored. Damm he's nothing if not consistent.

On another note, I realized I'd been DBing my R w/my dad all these long years - and will pretty much have to continue it as well. Spent 5 long hrs w/mom & dad on their boat & at the marina's pool & he prolly addressed a ques. or comment TO me (independent of me introducing a subject) maybe 5 times (2 of those had to do w/what directions/route I took to get there & how I could do it better on the way home, another was a monologue on the features of his new-fangled ditital camera). In response to my acting As If & going for the hello/g'bye hugs (inmm. after the warm Mom-ones), I got his One-Armed Two-Pats-on-the-Back & Step-Away deal. Oh, and the ONLY ques. they (mom) asked about my sitch was (3 hrs into the visit) "So, has H done anything to further the D along?" and "Does H's job schedule let him see the kids alot?" Helllloooo? I'm fine; thanks for asking. . . Whatever.

So...DBing . . . I cannot control how they/dad think/feel/act & will only make myself crazy trying to figure out why/why they don't [whatever] and they are entitled to their own feelings/thoughts about me/my sitch & so I can Act As If (doing ALL the 'work' in the R/talk myself) but mostly need to take the focus off of him/them & put it on doing whatever I can to make myself a Happy, Healthy & Better Person. (Background: M/D - esp. patriarchal 2nd gen. Italian Dad = strict, old school, lifetime members of the Catholic school of thought. Religion has been a Hands-Off topic btwn us since I was 21 & first started questioning Tradition, tho they know that, since our M & esp since the kids came along H&I have/are raising the kids w/a love for & knowledge of all things Christian.)

Obviously rambling. May be the (OMG! Yummm!!) back-to-back (B.King) Mocha Joe's I sucked down on the drive home, or the (too much?) time for Thoughts on the drives. I feel good about bringing the kids to their g'parents, tho. (4yrs ago when S was 5 & D was 2, H pursuaded me to do a drive-by 2day/2nite visit on our way to Disney/Tampa - which was the only time m/d have ever seen their g'kids b/f today.) But don't know how much time & effort I have to give to this R.