I'm sorry Mat. That is so unfair. I know that some of my friends have been through a divorce and the custodial parent was able to keep the house until the child graduated from high school. Upon graduation it was sold. Maybe this option could work for you. H could help you pay for everything involving house knowing that once D graduates it will be sold.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
If finances are such that H could pay half the rent in lieu of child support then that does sound fair and can you afford that . DO you think he would go for it? This also leaves thing open better on the chance of reconciliation.
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
This also leaves thing open better on the chance of reconciliation.
Not sure I understand your point of view on this, Jak. I was wondering if HE could find another place to live, not that we would share the house. I know he is interested in dating (which I believe he has already started) and I already told him I could not tolerate him bringing someone HERE with me here. I believe he would like me to take the house in the settlement so he can keep more of his retirement money. It's not a good time to try to sell the house so that is why he said he would live here.
The problem is what I can afford is farther away, and H barely sees D16 as it is. I am only staying here (in this state!) so they can see each other. The taxes here are outrageous. Me owning the house would be a stupid move on my part. Not sure he would agree to waiting for 2 years to settle on that.
Right now I am afraid to ask.
I had a bit of a melt down after a phone conversation with him this morning. He sounded so happy asking about my house hunting experience and I was so sad!!!! It made me mad when he told me to "keep my cup half full"! Why can I comfort him when he needs some TLC and he tells me basically to "get over it"? I sent him back a text message saying, "thanks for your support" and then didn't answer the phone when he called. He drove over then. I was outside mowing the lawn; he never came around to see me, but I saw his car in the driveway. When I finished I drove away instead of going inside the house. Couldn't go far because I didn't even have my purse. He asked (via tm) where I was and I told him I ran away until I could get a hold of my feelings; that I didn't want to cry in front of him again. He had left by the time I returned.
I just tried reaching him to tell him I was over my tantrum, but now he is not answering my calls. It all seems so silly now! Guess it's part of the emotional roller coaster that goes on and on and on......
Mat, I so understand your feelings. I have better control when I don't see or hear from him. Wouldn't it be great if we could just turn off our emotions, I'm definitely not good at it. Getting better, but just not there yet.
I'm curious, does your daughter know there is OW? How does she react to it? My 16 year old is so mad at her dad especially since she caught him in that lie on Father's Day weekend.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Actually there is no "official" ow now. There WAS one until Sept 2006 (H was open and honest about her then). Now it's just a "ow wannabee" (I believe my H is pursuing the FF I wrote about last fall-winter) and H signed up for an online dating service. D16 has not mentioned being with anyone else while she is with her dad. I am trying hard not to pry when she returns from an outing with him!
Im'e not saying share the house ,Im'e saying you live there as you were renting and only pay half and he pay half (if there is a mortage and you can afford it) in lieu of support. and he pay the taxes as a landlord. Then you could sell or whatever. If that is even an option. Or he pay the mortage in lieu of support and you pay taxes then sell when D is grown. Just options to look at if you haven't yet.
May I suggest going pretty dim and acting like you just don't care any more see or talk to him only reguarding D or finances.
H seems to think that you will just be available on a whim.
Jak
Last edited by jak58; 06/25/0704:58 PM.
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
