Well, it was an okay day, but my expectations are getting the best of me again. We went bowling today with the youth group from church. I wasn't originally going to go, but CW asked me to go several times, because the boys in the group have fun with me. Anyway, we had a good time. I had gotten home late from work and didn't eat. As bowling was wrapping up, I asked CW if she wanted to keep me company while I got something to eat. I knew she had eaten supper. She immediately said yes. She is helping me out with a part time job tomorrow so S15 doesn't have to do 3 days in a row. I never asked her to do it and she is offering all the help I need. This part of it seems good.
The part of it that has me down due to expectations, is CW renewed her license today and changed the address to her apartment. Not a big deal. She is also using a checking account that is only in her name that she got just prior to moving out. Up until this point, she was using a second joint account that we had and that her paychecks were direcrt deposited into. She now has them go to the new account.
The analytical part of my brain says that this is no big deal and it means nothing, but my emotional side sees this as a huge step backwards.
Which actions mean more? Her actions towards me or her actions towards the other stuff. Maybe I am just tired and over thinking, but it confuses the crap out of me.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
The fact that she enjoys your friendship and companionship means a hell of a lot
Take a break from worrying or over analyzing.
I was in a tizzy and was very pissed off at my wife and the wholw freaking situation yesterday.
I asked my therapist, "What do I do?"
You what my therapist said to me? "Do nothing. Take a break from this. She's not going anywhere soon. Get lots of sleep. Take care of yourself. Do things for you. First get in a better place and then begin re-engage with your relationship."
Take a break.
do the part-time job with her. But drink lots of beer while doing it... ;-)
Well, I had a rough day, but I got through it. As I have mentioned earlier, we own a small concession business and have an event this weekend. CW worked it with me tonight. It was sort of akward at first, because she told me that she found out that her dad is telling everyone that the reason that she moved out is because of adultery. She said at this point, the friend she was talking to agrees that there are other issues as well. I will agree to a point that there are some other issues, but the A is definately an issue.
We went the rest of the evening not talking R at all. We teased each other and had some fun. While we were cleaning up, we had a beer (highly frowned on but she snuck a few in). She brought up her dad again and how it makes her feel that she has never lived up to his expectations. He has done things that even I feel is way out of line. He has control issues and has no business doing what he did. I specifically asked the IL's to stay out of it and to "do no harm". I sympathized and validated her points. She started to cry. We finished out beers, and left. I think we had a positive encounter.
Smiling and waving.
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
MC, It sounds like you are at a good level of loving detachment now. Especially in you ability to validate what your wife is feeling. A couple of comments:
1. It will get easier, really!
2. It sounds like you are again becoming her best friend.
3. How often to "best friends" of the opposite sex ever stay that way?
4. Stay patient, TIME IS ON YOUR SIDE!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Last night when we were talking, or more specifically she was talking and I was validating, she was ranting about her dad. I agree that some of what he does is less than Christian. She made the laughable statement, "I have asked for forgiveness, he hasn't. If he thinks I am going to hell, I will see him there." I almost said that forgiveness is more than just words, but I held my tongue.
Smiling and waving.
Peace out
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
I wonder where her eating disorders come from then? Maybe her dad's disapproval and self-righteousness?
Dude, give him a call and ask him to stop going off and telling the world his daughter is having an affair. He's playing his role as a harsh judge. He should read the book I suggested.
If most of us get our image of God from our fathers, do you think her easily dismissing her Christian faith has to do with her distancing herself from such a harsh, judging God?
Kind of having a down day today. I am getting "emotionally tired" of being seperated. I want to see results and they are slow coming. I am sure there is still contact with FOM. I know she is confused, and hasn't decided anything. She is so messed up that I find myself feeling sorry for her.....I think I am the crazy one.
I feel better now that I have ranted/
Me: 44 S: 17 and 7 Final-6-13-08 I once went to a psychic who told me I would soon feel cheated......
Just come here and vent that's what I do. You mind is sometimes like dominos. Ya get one bad thought and that leads to another and anther. Ya come here and vent and it tends to breck that line of thought for awhile.
So what have ya been doing? have any projects going on?
Husband
Last edited by husband; 06/26/0703:17 PM.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Kind of having a down day today. I am getting "emotionally tired" of being seperated. I want to see results and they are slow coming. I am sure there is still contact with FOM. I know she is confused, and hasn't decided anything. She is so messed up that I find myself feeling sorry for her.....I think I am the crazy one.
No, you're the sane one. The grown up one. You're compassion is a good thing. Remember that all you can do is set an example. She has to grow up on her own.
