Ex-w came to get her stuff today-finally! I will be signing on the house Monday. Great, I now have 15 years to pay on the same house I had ten years to pay on just the day before. Son's car has a blown engine and I cannot afford to get it fixed, especailly since my house note is going up about 200 plus dollars a month! (Thanks again, Ex-w!) Ex-w did not speak to our son or me at all really, did not say goodbye. Does not want to help out with bills even though she will be getting close to 30k when I sign papers on the house.
Tell me, especailly RCR, when are things going to get BETTER? When is she going to own up to her responsibilities as a mother again? I saw my son on the back porch in tears, him not wanting to talk to any of "her people" that were there. His mom NEVER ENVEN ACKNOWLEDGED HE WAS UPSET, NEVER WENT OUTSIDE TO CHECK ON HIM, LEFT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO HIM.
Where is her head, where is her "mothering" instinct, or is it still "all about OM" and what he wants. She has said son cannot move in with her and I believe it is not a good idea for him to anyway.
Ex-w came to get her stuff today-finally! I will be signing on the house Monday. Great, I now have 15 years to pay on the same house I had ten years to pay on just the day before. Son's car has a blown engine and I cannot afford to get it fixed, especailly since my house note is going up about 200 plus dollars a month! (Thanks again, Ex-w!) Ex-w did not speak to our son or me at all really, did not say goodbye. Does not want to help out with bills even though she will be getting close to 30k when I sign papers on the house.
Tell me, especailly RCR, when are things going to get BETTER? When is she going to own up to her responsibilities as a mother again? I saw my son on the back porch in tears, him not wanting to talk to any of "her people" that were there. His mom NEVER ENVEN ACKNOWLEDGED HE WAS UPSET, NEVER WENT OUTSIDE TO CHECK ON HIM, LEFT WITHOUT SAYING A WORD TO HIM.
Where is her head, where is her "mothering" instinct, or is it still "all about OM" and what he wants. She has said son cannot move in with her and I believe it is not a good idea for him to anyway.
Toncatt, good to see you here again! I was wondering about you. To answer your question about things getting better, well, the simple answer to that is they won't until YOU DECIDE to do better for YOURSELF. I'm sorry if that sounds a little curt, but its the God's honest truth. Toncatt, the fact of the matter is this; its still about the OM with your XW, She ISN'T going to be a mother or do what she needs to with your son, also Toncatt, you CANNOT contol the actions of her or any other person besides YOURSELF. As much as you want things to be a certain way they are not going to be. I know what you are thinking and saying; its not fair, it sucks, I have been crapped on. All of the above is true, but Toncatt, life isn't fair dude, as much as we think it should be or want it to be. People also don't always get what they deserve good or bad. Toncatt, you can do one of two things, lay there and let them kick you in the mouth or get up swinging. Take advice from a friend, get your ass off the floor and don't give that sorry excuse for a mother the satisfaction! Good luck dude!!!
Braveheart is right. We can rant and rave about what our ex's are doing but it only hurt us and the one's around us. Especially your son. When one stays angry about whether the ex-spouse is being a good parent or not, one's energy is not spent being what one needs to be. If I am ranting and raving about my ex not being a good father, I am not setting a good example for my kids, and I am constantly reminding them of the hurt they already feel. I think that is selfish of me and I won't do it. What am I proving if I am always pointing a finger at my ex. Nothing except that I am an angry bitter person.
Your son deserves one good parent in all of this. Don't let her actions take away from what YOU should do as a parent. If you continue this way your son loses both of you. Don't let her actions dictate who you are.
I am sorry that you and your son have suffered so much. I think all of us here know how much pain this gives us...
I have ONE question though...it sounds like your wife has found a pretty rough and tough OM....could it be possible that he is abusing her in any way ? Could it be SHAME that keeps her from looking and talking to you ?? I can only imagine something as strong as that to stop a woman speaking to her own child...the anxiety of what the OM might do to her if she does....
I may be wrong here, just curious to hear your thoughts....
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I have no idea about any abuse, but what I do know is that she has no job and has no intentions of getting one. I also know that the property that they have 2 campers on is in his name and both travel trailers are his (one for them, one for his daughter). She is living under his roof and his rules but is too blind to see that she really is being "controlled"
I know they drink the hard stuff as I have a bank statement sent to me by mistake last year and it shows several liquor store purchases for the same amount (She only drank beer and wine for all the time I knew her) and my son says that they would drink every night when he was there visiting.
I believe drinking the hard stuff and not facing up to her problems and issues with her son and I is making things worse. I do believe that drinking has caused her to get back to size 18-20, the size she was before she left.
I don't know about abuse but I do feel he has total control. She has only a vehicle and a couple of items to her name.
One more thing that I forgot to mention that bothers me is that she never checked on the wellbeing of our dog and cat yesterday, I guess this wall of hate or whatever it is will never come down for her to see the truth.
Like my sister said, she did not deal with any problems before she left her home, only added new ones with what she is doing now.
I don't know if it is shame or guilt for not looking someone in the eye or avoiding them alltogether. The only thing she told my sister was "please don't hate me".
An impossible task given the present circumstances.
