Been a couple of weeks since I've checked in. Thanks braveheart for the thought. Sorry I didn't reply to you sooner.
I've moved on to a place of acceptance. Earlier this month was the one year mark since the separation and it was a little tough. Things are good now. God has put me where I need to be.
I believe in my heart that God is everything, that I am truly under his grace and that as long as I do his work I will be protected and he will place me where I need to be on a daily basis. His work for me today is taking care of my boys to the best of my ability and making myself usefull to alcoholics anonymous and the still suffering alcoholic. I work very hard at both every day.
I wish everyone here the best of luck. I see today that I was completely insane (and still am to a great extent). That I pushed my wife away with my drinking and abuse. Early on in the process I was unable to DB. I kept pushing and pushing and pushed her right to a divorce. If you are new and people are telling you to leave your W or H alone, do it. I was unable to and made things worse.
But that is OK! God works with what he has to work with. I don't know if I'd have been able to stay sober if she had taken me back right away like I wanted. I pushed so hard that she filed for the D six months after she asked me to leave. If she had taken me back in those first six months.....
I am a great dad I must say. Sober for over a year. Going back to college in the fall. Things worked out the way they were supposed to and yes, I can say that I've moved on to a place of acceptance.
I wish everyone here love and kindness. You all have a place in my heart. When I was at my darkest and was about to kill myself there were people here that reached out to me and held on. I was so very close to putting a shotgun in my mouth that it brings tears to my eyes to think about it. So I won't.
