Introspection, Growth, and Acceptance

[galing]

I just want to clarify, I'm not just talking about feeling ashamed because I gave myself physically to a man that wasn't being respectful to me. Although for any women considering that, I think I would say this (now that I think I'm out of that emotional cloud and getting healthier): what are your values? For me, before I got married, I had only ever been with one man (my husband) because I did not wish to have sex outside of a loving and committed relationship. For some reason, I decided that because we were still married, we were in that type of relationship and therefore convinced myself that sex with him was okay. But the truth was, it was just sex, and I am not a woman who is okay with just sex. It doesn't fit in my value system and so I didn't love myself by doing something like that. Be true to yourself first.

However, I am talking about giving a part of yourself emotionally as well to someone that is disrespecting you by not loving you, appreciating you, being your friend, speaking to you with respect, etc.

Loving yourself, means at times, as much as you love someone, not letting them treat you. If they cannot treat you with respect, they maybe shouldn't be treating you period.

I guess I've been reading a lot about abandonment lately and what I'm concerned about is many of the phases I went through and I see people going through here are about dealing with that abandonment and maybe they are natural and normal and something we just all have to go through, however, it is important to respect yourself in that process and really be aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it. Love yourself first. Often, we aren't doing that because we are so focused on being abandoned that we are doing everything we can to stop that and fill the need of getting our spouse back.

The book The Journey from Abandonment and Beyond is interesting if anyone is interested. I skimmed a lot of it, but it does describe the phases well.