OH BOY!!!!!What a drama filled night I just had!I am still taking you men's advice and I am not giving it up though!! You boys would be so proud of me!!
Tuesday after my H took our D6 out for her BDAY ,he droppped them off and after he put them to bed he attempted to get some and whwen I turned him down he said "oh your jsut mad"??? He thinks I am still angry over the island getaway he had w/ OW?? I am kida over it really,but why can't he see I am not letting him "play" us both!! That is hwy I kicked him out in the first place. He is still trying to cake eat. I asked him when Ow is suppose to move to her new apt(closer to us) & he said by the end of the month. I aske dif he was moving in w/ her & he said no(lies?) well see. I told him I wsa not living in limbo much any longer.
Two days pass & i had not talked w/ him until this morning I had to IM him about him needing to pick up the kids from his sis tonight. I had plans for my weekend getaway. I waited an dno answer an s then I tried to small talk and still no answer until finally his IM messasage stayed "away" for hours until I had to get off work & I sent him last message that fine if he was not speaking to me,but to make sure he picks them up.
One hour after I got home I saw I missed two phone calls one right after the other first him and then his mom?He calls me again to tell me he was at the hospital all day. They sent him from the office after he got dizzy and his eyesight got blurry and took his blood pressure which was sky high. They took all kinds of heart monitoring test and xrays and found nothing. Doc told him to take it easy this weekend and not to stress out too much. I knew it that this may happed and I wondered how i twould take b/c even though he does not take anything for blood pressure or ever has had any promblem before, it is this double life of of his!! H blows off the handle as it is he cant take stress or anxiety too well lets see how long before he breaks down.M y mom says this is God giving him a "taste" of his power. Wake up!! I gues God will have to dweal w/ him to bring him to himself.
Anywho, the drama... He called and said he would probably stay at "our" house this weekend after he asked if I was till leaving and that he really did not want to be "overthere" (sure). That he just wanted to lay relax in front of his big screen tv. AS I was feeding the kids my D10 said I wish daddy would stay w/ us all weeknd and I told her not tell me to tell her dad and she did. I heard him tell her they would go tonight but probably return in the morning...UGH once I again lied to me. H was really flirty w/ me and he brushed up on me and was trying to go up my shirt. Telling me to lock the door and I said no. He must of thought I was playing and he cont. to try harder. I must of gave him some look (when I was thinking to myself how can you do this to me like nothing?)He said dont look at me like that! I told him what do you think your going to play us both?? No uh!! I said all that BS you said about not wanting to be at OW!! He started backing off. I told him all I wanted to do this weekend was to be his nurse and take care of him but now he can go to her his nurse, lover and wife to be! I ahve to admit he did get me horny even though I tried really hard to be strong and as he was backing off I murmured now that you go me all hot and bothered I will have to do something about that. He said "what oho no your not goingto finish off w/ your BF". What BF??? He pulle off my pants and then took off the rest of his clothes and again I turned him down. I said again he was not playing us both.
What is this is it the chase??? Because he still not leaving OW?? He got mad and said I am going was rushing the girls to finish pakcing and before he left I reminded him all I wanted to do was be here to nurse him. I kinda feel like the tables are turned around -OW is the wife & H is "sneaking around w/ me(GF)???
Fender, guys opinions? Fender I am staring to wonder about the control issue. If that is all it is. BUT if he did not care won't you think why bother at all? WHy wate time in controlling?
I read up on you tonight (actually just before you posted on my thread), and I have to confess I had a bit of a hard time following it all. I will probably need to re-read some of it to really get my hands around it. The summary was helpful, but what would you say is your plan/approach vis-a-vis your H now? What DB strategies are you using? Also, about tonight, what is your take? What do you think is going on? What is acceptable to you and not acceptable to you?
Nomopo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
DB strategies: GAL, PMA esp. around H, look my best and be mysteriuos. Trying to come to terms that I will be fine w/ or w/out him. At first if this D goes thru it will be difficult,finincially,getting started,but I know I can make it on my own my three little ones and I.
I don't think H gets it the reason why I will not have sex w/ him. I think he misundertands my politness? It's wierd it took him a good while before he could get me started to get aroused. Those feelings are there but are somewhat buried deep down inside now. It is true time does heal. H knows he very confused and I know thats why he had not returned. I don't want him to retun unless he is fully 100% ready,but he is stuck in a stuation that I think he is in over his head. I beleive him when he says he will not move in w/ her in her new place,but I think she can change his mind again.
Chicki, are there any 180's you can come up with for your interactions with him?
Also, your plan of helping him out this weekend by being nursemaid was just what he was expecting. Go on with your plans and leave the house and kids with him.
My 180's have not changed from when I first found this site five months ago. I do not react to his temper tantrums. The fighting evn though he says we no longer live together have diminished since way before he moved out. My R w/ my SIL & MIL has grown tremendously. We were never so close before. I do not call him at all and for let the voicemail get it when he calls. H will usually initated contact via IM while we r both at work. I do not hear from him at nights or weekends.
Why all the pursuing sexually though?? i dont know if you read the last few threads when H was away and opened up to me about his sexual needs so is he "testing" me out? Is something he wants to see if I do before he decide to move back? I have finall gotten some respect from him in the past month and he has gotten to where he does not point out my negatives anymore. I want to keep that respect and I just want to get to know him better since our biggest promblem was no communication only fighting. I saw his hospital wrist band so he did not "fake" it. So I as concern for him. My freind did cahnge her mind though. So we will go out tonight.
did you think that he fake it for attention? I think he very well was stressed out that it gave him symptoms. Maybe it was good in a sense to scare him a bit that stress can do harm. Concern and nursemaid are two different things so go out and have fun.
As for the sexual stuff, He's a horny dog that wants his cake.
No i know he did notfake it this time, but he has faked suicidal comments. He is a drama quenn/king. The first time (weekday) he dropped by and I had GALing plans and was dressed up he freacked thinking another man, got on the bed and made a drama scene that I can see right thru and told me that when I returned home he might be dead. He thought I would rush back after I dropped off the girls.He made a point the next day that he waited and I did not return even after what he had said.
Well, if he was so worried about you possibly being with another man he would stop everything right now and work on the marriage. You are right not to play into his dramatizations.
I have a question if I should give this "funny" ?non pursuing BDAY card to my H? It is a"talking" card & it's from the movie "the Office" w/ Michael Scott. On the outside it reads" from the desk of Michael Scott: open it and it he is reading from his line "presents r the best way to show someone how much you care it is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say hey man I love you this many dollars worth." Inside the card it reads I like you at least a card's worth. hehe what ya think? I did not say I love you???
Uuuuhhhh...I wouldn't Chicki. I think any card that talks about how much you do or do not like him is pretty much a no go. I know it is meant as a joke....but still. My 2 cents. And trust I fully realize how hard it is to pick out the right card given our sitchs.
