When I turned my phone off after landing I had a txt msg from my wife that said "fly S15 from here to home tomorrow." I called my wife when I got home and she said to book a flight for S15 to fly home on the same flight as my mom in the morning. She also said to find out of S13 was coming at the same time or not since if he did then I wouldn't need to drive down there next weekend. I told her I'd check with the kids and get it figured out. It is $500 to book them flights for the two of them tomorrow and she started talking about how they've been sucking cash out of her, she has given them $1000 since they got there, they don't need to come visit anymore, they don't need to go anywhere else except camp with her next month, guess she has to save her money to give her 55 yr old sister a free boob job instead of spending any money on her kids... Trying to not be bitter or negative, didn't say anything to her, just listened, validated, "yes dear, yes dear, you're right dear, yes dear"
Anyhow the one variable in the plans for the kids was whether S13 wanted to come home early and whether his friend that they've been staying with for the past 2 weeks is coming here to visit. That had beent the original plan, plus some other friend was coming, that is why I was driving to pick them up so the 4 kids could ride back instead of paying to fly them all here. So if their friend wasn't coming (one friend already bailed so it was down to just one now) then S13 would come back with S15 tomorrow, otherwise I'd still drive down next weekend and pick them up. The other motivations for me driving down there that weekend were, my anniversary on Sat and also to visit friends and family that live there. My wife was the first to suggest "I wouldn't have to drive down there at all if the kids flew back" and she have never mentioned our anniversary and wasn't planning to be in the same town as me on it. She is flying here for 5 days on July 2nd, two days after our anniversary and I don't know if she'd want to do anything if I was there, I was just providing the opportunity, especially based on the previous belief from her that we were "working on our marriage." So anyhow, ya, I'd drive there 8 hrs each way for the sole purpose of seeing my wife on our anniversary, but doubt that it will come to that, it'd be a waste of my time and my heart at this point.
So $500 to book tickets for the kids, and now I have to buy a flight for my mom to go home too, she was going to ride back with me next weekend when I drove to pick up the kids so she only bought a one-way ticket, another $200 for that. Would have been nice for my wife to offer to pay the $500 to sent the kids back since it was all her idea to take them there for 3 weeks and her that decided that they could come back early. I told S15 earlier that if his mom would pay for the ticket he could come, but then she just tells me to book it with no mention of paying for it. I just continue to bend over and take it for my kids and for my marriage. Whatever, when I run out of money she can pay up then I guess.
JDK - thanks for checking in on me! Sorry I haven't been by recently.
I kind of agree with MHS - may be time to shake things up a bit in terms of letting your W be "in charge" of her R with the kids. Maybe at least give it a try.
Sounds like a fun trip!! Hope you enjoyed it.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I think it is for the kids and also to avoid conflict. I had a strong urge to ask her to pay the $500 for the flights and may still do so, even tho' I think it will cause conflict. I'm trying to not be greedy and don't want to "nickel and dime" her to death, she does seem to respect the fact I take care of all the bills and she is giving me money for the house payment, plus she has finally given me all the money she has spent on our joint credit card. Those things are progress and I don't want to screw that progress up by pushing for what is "fair" in my mind. But I also don't want to continue to be driven by a fear of conflict. So I'll give it some more thought and if I decided to push her to pay for the tickets then I'll have to suck it up and tell her so. Thanks for taking the time to keep up with my thread HS, the comments and perspective really help.
Hey Nikki, hope you're feeling better. Thanks for stopping in. My thoughts and plans were for her to work out the changes to the kids being with her, I followed thru on that for a week and finally gave in, not to please her tho', for the kids. They were getting more and more miserable as time went on. I made her make the decision about them coming back and it was supposed to be predicated on her paying for the tickets and she talked about how "she'd given them $1000 already so $500 to send them back was cheaper than that..." or something to that effect, almost like it'd be cheaper for her to pay to send them back then to keep giving them money.
Also her talking about how they should just come back here and that they were bored down there is a big change for all her previous talk about S13 spending the whole summer with her and moving down there with her and going to school there next year. All that talk seems long gone. My wife was also trying to repeatedly push S13 into be friends with my wife's new BFF's son who is the same age. I didn't hear of them doing anything together in the last 2 weeks and before she kept talking about how she was going to take S13 to see him and how her BFF loves S13, she was even trying to get S13 to txt msg the kid to push him to build a friendship. S13 doesn't seem to want any of that so he does little to nothing to foster a friendship with the kid, my wife is the one that wants him to have it, not him.
Wife sent me a txt msg about 10:30pm her time with "nite" and I replied with "Goodnight [wife's name]." I had thought about sending her a goodnight txt msg, but resisted and it was nice that she stepped up and sent one eventually. I'm kind of disappointed about the fact odds are that I won't be around my wife for our anniversary, I had offered to take her to a baseball game and she acted like she'd see if she could go, now it seems like all a moot point. I'll have to figure out if I'm going to send a card to her now instead and pick one out and mail it to her.
ya, I agree with MrHighspeed about the money she gave kids. That's HER problem not yours. I think you probably should have put your foot down about them coming back.
It's not like SHE has the kids and your seeing them for the weekend or something. YOUR the one whos keeping your kids and caring for them.
Now, if she's being an irresponsible mother or something and causing harm, then definitely bring them back. I know they're not having a good time, but kids are selfish too, and it's not just all about them. And if you guys had told them no, then you need to make sure you stick to your answer. That's so important with kids, otherwise they start walking all over you and they control you instead of you being in control of them.
yes, I need to learn this myself, and I have always known this, but it is VERY difficult to be consistent. I've already started my discipline book though, and that was one of the first things in it!
anyways, I'm really glad you had a good time in Vegas. And it's good that you mostly just answered your BILs questions about W, with no anger or spite in your answers.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
Been a busy day, got to bed late, up in time to get ready and head to the airport to pick up the kids and my mom. Went from the airport straight to church with my mom while S15 and S13 dropped us off and headed home to take showers. They pick my mom and I up after church and we headed to feast with the Bahais, my wife's religion. While I was there my wife sent me a txt msg with "boys happy to be home?" and I replied with "Ya, we're at feast", she sent back "Your mom too?" and I told her "Ya we just came from church" and got back from her "K Thanks"
Came home from feast and worked on the yard, grass is pretty long since I didn't get to mow it before leaving for Vegas.
I was in favor of the kids staying where they were, but they'd already been there 2 weeks, the whole trip was my wife's idea, not theirs and they'd stuck it out that long. They hardly saw or spent any time with their mom anyhow. I'm not going to force them to waste their time somewhere they're miserable. It just seems like it makes them pawns in the middle my wife and I's problems and I'm trying to not do that.
Anyhow kids are home, they're playing with their friends and are happy. My wife is back to no one to be responsible for or to be asking her for money. Everyone got what they wanted and I'm not going to complain about taking care of my kids, I'm basically a single father as I believe Rob pointed out a while back. I've done a good job of it and will keep doing it, my kids deserve to be taken care of as best I can until my wife decides to come home and do her part.
Church was great today, came home feeling better than ever, still very much able to control my emotions instead of my emotions controlling me. Still hopeful, putting my faith in God, I know he can heal my wife's heart and our marriage, just trying to have patience and do my part along the way. No idea what I'll be doing next weekend yet, Sat is our anniversary, she is supposed to see if she can get the day off work to go to a baseball game, not sure if she'll even try now that the kids are here and I don't need to drive down there to get them.
yes you are a great dad. That was very unselfish of you.
Hope you have a great time with your mom in town.
On the anni, just expect nothing to happen between you and W, and make some plans on the side that you can break just in case. But I would bet W won't be coming. And listen, that is OKAY really. She may deal with too much emotion for that day and not be able to be around you, or she may feel very very very pressured because of it being that day. So, I wouldn't bring it up again, except one time only to verify her coming or not. I'm not even sure that I would do that much. If she wants to come, she will let you know she got off work.
talk to you soon. Glad your all home safe
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do on Sat for our anniversary. My mom is so sweet, she said that she decided that she was going to pray for my family and fast on Sat for my anniversary and she also wanted to know if I wanted her to stay here until after Sat so I wouldn't be alone. I told her I'd see if my wife get the Sat off for the baseball game or not tomorrow and decide from there.
Just got back from dinner with the kids and my mom, my wife sent me a txt msg while I was at dinner saying "nite" and I replied with "Goodnight, how was your weekend?" and she sent back "Good, how is your mom" and I told her "She is good. Sleep tight" and got back a "K"
Everything is good here, got the front lawn edged and mowed, have more books to read than I know where to stack, lots of work to do on the new business and my mom is here sweeping and cleaning up a bit and just being helpful and supportive. The kids are back and running around with their friends, it is a happy home and I plan to keep it that way.
that all sounds very nice! You have a great mom! She is very lucky to have you as a son too.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
