Fixer it's good for me to talk with you. Yes, I could see things as plain as day and it was difficult for me to understand WHY H couldn't see it. To me it was obvious.
Yeah I saw it coming the end of the business and even told that to H. I see now that I didn't support H. He said this often, but wow he was making some really serious poor decisions and how could I support that when I saw this coming. For example, taking money from the business and not letting partner know is not a good decision. These are the things I am talking about when I could predict the future. How could H not see that, that was not a good idea?
Yeah I am a piece of work, when it comes to pointing out what were you thinking. I can do better though. Now that I am armed.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I'm glad you understand where I am coming from. Taking money from a buisness is not a bad buisness decision; it's called stealing. If your H is in MLC then he figured it was owed to him. Funny isn't it how people can reason out any behavior to suit there needs. Pointing out the stealing (when it's suppose to go unnoticed) may have made him feel guilty. I still think you need to figure a way to stop trying to prove your right. For two reasons. One you can always prove your right and be alone. Instead try a little humble pie. Two always trying to prove your right shows me you lack of confidence in yourself.
Enjoy life and let your H suffer the concequences of his own actions. You can always say something like I think you may want to rethink what your about to do. Then if he does something you don't agree with let him face the conquences. Don't say I told you so instead be by his side knowing you were right. If he says you should of never let me do that. Remind him he's old enough to make his own decisions.
Interesting take on the money. I think he rationalized it to himself that he did nothing wrong. You are right it's stealing. Now, if you knew my H before all of this I would not have thought he had this dark side of him or was even capable of what he did. Hmmmmmm could he have been in MLC before the business failed. I now think so. I also think in his mind he felt he was entitled to that money. Well, he was a partner in his mind, but in reality you don't do what he did to people and then walk away with no explainations nothing.
It's not that I lack confidence in myself. I don't feel that way. It's just that the decisions he was making were just wrong. It was kind of like whoa H who are you and what would bring you to make decisions like this. For example, the stealing not only from the business, but from family. I knew it was going on and felt I needed to confront him. Ok I confronted him in a shouting match, not exactly in good judgement now, but I was angry. How could he betray his own family. I tried on many occasions asking H what is going on with the finances of the business. Do you want to talk about them. He said nothing.
Ok Fixer, so if you see someone is for example stealing and lieing etc etc. How do you aproach these type people? Remember, I am the type of person that is straight forward and honest. I tell it like I see it. So, if you can't handle the truth your probably not going to like what I have to say.
Come on Fixer, why can't H understand that stealing is dead wrong?
Now H feels everyone is against him and nobody stood by and supported him through this ordeal. Well, that is true but family freinds, me we were all betrayed ourselves.
Thoughts! How do we fix this now Fixer. LOL I love it!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Fixer, this is what I struggle with. Ok so I confront H on things(prior to our separation) and I know what he is telling me is a lie. And he tells another lie to get out of that lie.
How do you deal with these type of people. Now I can't confront, because he walks away or hangs up etc. etc.
What is the big deal with the truth?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
The real frustration in all of this is like today I call H and let him know that S5 is real sick. Running a fever, very weak, loss of appetite etc. Of course, H doesn't answer his phone. I leave a message hours ago and NO response. You think he would be concerned enough to call.
Does he just not give a crap or what! Yeah walk away from me, but be a responsible parent.
Now remember this is a guy that I thought put his family at the top. Before M he always talked about family how important they were called his family weekly would have done anything for them and even mentioned at one point that his mom and dad would live with us when they became too old and would need care.
Now he has NO relationship with family. I talked with his mom last week and she said he never calls her back after she leaves a message. The whole family is in shock over who he became and quite frankly discusted by his actions.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I can tell you need some guidence with your stich. Please remember I'm only providing suggestions and nothing else.
Quote:
Come on Fixer, why can't H understand that stealing is dead wrong?
If H is in MLC he's only out for himself, including having the children take a back seat. He knows what he's doing is wrong, he's just not able to understand the why he's doing the things he does. An MLC can make an honest person lie, a smart person dumb and a loving person... feel no love. He's no different than you and me except I believe the stronger someones faith is the easier it is to make the journey.
Now I think you should keep the lines of communications open. Don't stop talking to him on the phone. Instead try to end the phone conversation first. You also are going to have to be the best actor you can be. If he said something to make you angry, hide that emotion until your alone. If he drops by unexpectantly tell him you were on your way out. Then go and and do something.
Oh being honest and straight forward is only good if your a bad politican. Sometimes you have to not say things. For example would you tell a close friend their bady was ugly if you thought it was. No. Why b/c you relize that words can hurt. Even if you H robbed a local convient store, you don't tell him stealing is wrong, he already know that. You want him to talk. When your out on a date, use eye contact talk with I statements and try to be a good listener. Out of all the self help books I've read, the key to a good conversation is to be a good listener.
