My marriage is hopeless IV

[25yearsmlc]

Hey ERC,

I might read the book and give you a summary later....only half kidding. As I don't have OM to marry, YET, it's probably safe for me to read....fully kidding now.

Anyhow, my brother JL moved twice to be in the same school district as his girls and as best I recall, it was so if he got more custody, they'd remain in the same schools without any problems. It was all less than a 30 mile move, but that is the type of thing his ex would do, just after he'd sign a lease--she'd move the girls one district over, to make it harder for him I think. If not purposeful on her part, it was at least thoughtless and it happened more than once. But hey, in the end, it is my brother they are most close to. My niece was/is at Virginia Tech and it was my brother she called the day of the shootings and my brother who went and brought her home for a week.

You are pushing your w a bit with the divorce condemnation. She knows all this but is searching for justifications to think well of herself. When she mentions forgiveness I think she is praying hard for it. You will only make it harder for her to return if you appear to condemn and not be able to forgive. Recall the phrase, "Keep the Road Home Paved and Smooth", as difficult as that can be. And it is.

Maybe now and then you can mention how dangerous it is when we justify things, b/c rationalizing is a very dangerous habit. I practiced criminal law and for SOME of my clients, who were not ordinarily bad people but gave in to some terrible temptation or lost their cool, they'd inevitably start restructuring events and revising history so that they wouldn't see themselves in a bad light. I would confront them b/c it was important that the judge see their remorse or he would not see any chance for rehabilitation and the sentence would be effected. Only about a fourth of my clients, clearly guilty, could say and mean the words "I am sorry. I was wrong."
It is ONLY THOSE clients who changed their lives for the better, and only some of them at that.

Seriously. It's a slippery slope. At this point, your girls are young enough that if you two did eventually reconcile, they might not even know about all this crap. And I do have 2 relatives who divorced, only to remarry their spouses years later. Both M's lasted with my uncle dying of cancer--but my aunt and their kids were at his side. My cousin and his wife are still married, and the 2nd time around was/is better. It happens.

j-