Been thinking this morning about the dbing process and how it can get skewed, I think.
The book Rebuilding talks a lot about loving yourself. How often when we are desperate for love from someone else or desperate for a relationship it is because we aren't loving ourself and whole in ourselves. Having your marriage ripped away from you is a huge blow. Having your spouse have an affair is a huge blow. In the aftermath, rather than loving and respecting ourselves, I think sometimes, we disrespect ourselves. I assume that was not the intention in Michelle's books.
In looking back in how I handled the last year, I think the thing that is sticking out to me the most and the thing I am most ashamed of is that I didn't love myself and respect myself in this process. I wanted my husband and my marriage back so badly, I was so wounded, hurt, in pain, and so beaten down by it all, that I was at times willing to accept that in whatever form it came in. I don't know that Michelle's books were written with the intention of helping people who have a spouse who really isn't mentally stable or is in total MLC, or in the midst of a deep affair, or abusive. Those are extreme cases and the person is often treating you with a lot of disrespect in that process.
I guess my point is, now as I am stepping back, I realize that dbing became very confusing to me. I often wasn't being true to myself and was allowing another person to treat me with disrespect. That is not what dbing is about, I don't think, yet I see if happening often on this site as people discuss how their spouse is treating them and their reactions and actions towards that and the interactions they still allow with their spouse.
So I guess my point is this, regardless of what your spouse is doing, love yourself first. GAL, get your PMA, and do treat your spouse with respect and love, but also treat yourself in the same manner and don't allow yourself to be treated disrespectfully or unlovingly. Control you. In the end, you are responsible for loving you, and respecting you. And in the end, you are who you look at in the mirror.
Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself, in your way of thinking. -Marcus Aurelius
