Thanks for taking the time to check in, and for your thoughtful post. I only have a moment, as I have to wake S10 and S14 up to get S10 to his baseball tournament, but I did want to say this:
I do agree that we need counselling. GOOD, pro-marriage, meet-each-other's-emotional-needs counselling, and I also agree that I need to help her see that she can find her newfound independence WITHIN our marriage, intead of inappropriately OUTSIDE of it thru an affair.
But make no mistake, I will not go to MC, nor is it even possible for it to be productive, until she ends the affair. She knows this, and she has no intention of ending her "daily fix" of OM (she actually used these words in a text message to him yesterday, lest I had ANY doubts that this was an addiction).
She has no desire to face her own chit. She's always been this way. She has postponed even going to see her OWN counselor, which I also knew she would never go. She has issues, she KNOWS she has issues, and the issues are not her marriage -- her issues are HER. She's RUNNING from that, and RESISTING that, but deep down, she knows it's true.
The affair will run its course. Could take a week, or it could take 3 months, but it won't last, they never do. The issue will be whether my wife can learn to bravely face her own intimacy and entitlement issues -- both of which are HUGE -- and get help to guide her in building a happier future. Whether that's with me and with her family intact will be entirely up to her, and I cannot control that, but she needs to deal with these very real issues in her life regardless.
As for me, I'm working on mine.
Gotta run -- more point-by-point thoughts later, man. Thanks for checking in with me.
