OM/PA, MLC and the hits keep coming............Pt2

[andyv]

Hi Hopeless11,

My W's main gripe about me talking to her family was that I was still controlling her. I do admit that I am overprotective of both my W and DD, but when she dropped the bomb, the second reason she gave (other than not being there emotionally for several months) was that I was too controlling and jealous (which is odd, due to her having the temper and always keeping tabs on my movements etc throughout our marriage).

It is hard to tell if these were valid reasons, as she was having an EA with OM during the time I was away. As well as being well and truly in MLC mode.

But before I confirmed the seriousness of this EA I was always ringing her family, and discussing things with them (which eventually got back to W). I just wanted to know the truth as she lied about everything

I do get on well with them also, but they did betray my trust by telling her pretty much everything. The reason I call it betraying, is that they "probed" me for information in confidence about her and what she was doing.

We were a very private family before all of this. None of her family or my family knew anything about what we did or got up to. But I was at fault, due to my depression and hurt, that I wanted to bring everything out in the open.

Even today she lied to me. She took yesterday off work to be with OM (he had a day off), and my friend saw them together (he lives in the same suburb as OM.

When I spoke to her this morning, I asked her how work was yesterday, and she made up a really ellaborate story about how she had to cross train someone, and getting things ready for end of financial year etc etc. I just let it go, I had a chuckle in private. I hope she is more honest with OM).

But I would recommend that you may try to distance yourself from his family, as this will be seen by him as controlling. The pressure he is getting from his family in regards to what he is doing, will be pointed back at you. They try to blame us for everything, so his family not accepting OW is due to you (in his mind).

I have not spoken to any of her family in over a month, and W has calmed down alot and is more pleasant. Now that the pressure is off her, she can see things clearly. Also if her family do decide to lecture her or question her again (as they love me dearly and know she is making a huge mistake with her actions), W will know that It was none of my doing.

Sorry if I rambled on a bit. But my personal opinion on this matter is "blood is thicker than water", and it is healthier to detach from your H's family if you can. For a while anyway and see what happens.