It was good to see my sister as we don't talk much these days. Good to see my BIL, too. They've dropped 50lbs between 'em.
My husband had opportunity to speak with BIL and he did and a little while ago, he was telling me what he'd said to him. Basically he told him to STOP everything because it will only push her further away. BIL apparently talked with H a little. I don't know, or ever want to know, any details, I just thought H could relate in a way that not one other soul in the family could relate and had asked him a few weeks ago to talk to him if the chance ever came up. So it did.
What I am confused about is as H was talking to me about BIL and my sister, the lines started to blur and there were points at which I wasn't sure if he meant me or my sister when he referred to certain "behaviors". And there were points at which I wasn't sure if he was talking about BILs expressed feelings or the ones he himself experienced during my MLC...I think maybe both. I was and am so tired. I was sitting on my knees in front of H, who was sitting in a chair and at a couple points I responded to what he was saying but mostly I just listened. At one point though, I was just overwhelmed and I felt the tears in my eyes and I put my head in his lap and said "the road back is just so long..."...I know this summary is broken and probably confusing as hell to read. I am SO CONFUSED. There was one thing, though. He said to me "BIL is talking about selling the house and I told him not to do it. Do you know why I didn't sell this house?" I said "because it was all you thought you had left?" and he said "No" and then I said "Because of the kids?" and he said "No. I didn't sell it because you asked me not to and the day you asked me not to was the day I knew you had gotten to that place within yourself where you could feel (hesitating)...and you knew.........(hesitating again)" and he stopped there and I said "I knew this was home". Nothing else was said but it's funny, all the things I THOUGHT were showing him...proving to him...and it turns out that something so seemingly small...
Talking to BIL brought up his old feelings, he said. The crazy, out of control emotions he felt and also the numbness that came later.
One thing happened that for some stupid reason sticks out in my head. Earlier this evening I was in D11's room with my niece and my sister walked in. She noticed my daughters roll-around backpack and she picked it up and pointed to my daughters initials on the front of the bag:
Amy, that's pretty inspiring what your husband said about not selling the house. I guess he must have been looking for his sign from you, and that's when he found it. We should all be so lucky (and keep our eyes and ears open).
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
