Love, what is it, is it real, does it matter?

[LoginName]

"Connected" is a good word. Intimate is too. I think I could have said what your H said to my W. I didn't feel connected, intimate. I felt 'unloved'. I told myself I still loved my W. So I knew our M had problems - I didn't think she felt that way too. I was surprised when she dropped the bomb.

You're right, your H's feeling toward OW do sound like infatuation. My W left for OM who was high school sweetheart. Similar thing.

Now to what I think is really important, and I thank you for pointing this stuff out....
- US, not me or you! Doing things for the relationship. That makes a lot of sense to me. Can you give concrete examples? My W and I felt like good friends/roommates. Roommates do nice things for each other, but we want to be more than that, closer, more connected, to our spouse.
- shared adventure/challenges. Maybe that's the example I was looking for. Again, I think this is good and important.
- physical intimacy; that's a loaded one, but really important. I messed this up in my M by playing a stupid head game. I didn't appreciate what I had, felt I deserved more 'intimacy' and she felt like she could never meet my expectation, never love me enough to satisfy me. Kids were a big part of how this started. But physical intimacy, I think, is a key ingredient.

I think that's a good description of love that you've presented. I agree with it. Thanks for the input. I hope to add something good myself soon.