......I'm sorry but I don't see how he can still be that busy 4 hours later that he can't just put yes I love you or no I don't. This silence is exactly what he did on bomb day and I'm scared. Really scared and in such a state I can't even sit still I'm in such a panic. I cannot go through all that again. I just don't know why he is being such a @>:@ when it is his friendship with another W that has caused this not something I've done.
IP, Please understand I'm not being a a## to you. I only recently came to understand this pattern in myself. I believe you are looking at his actions or lack thereof, and thinking, wait a second, this is what I would do, why can't he do it? It's the decent thing to do, this means he doesn't care/love/think I matter.
I'm not 100% sure that is what is going on mentally but for me, when I express the same things you are expressing here, that is my thought process. My counselor worked on this with me about a year ago and like every man on the planet, it didn't sink in until a year later when I was reading a book Sven recommended. I had an AHA! moment. That is what my C was talking about!
Anyhoo. It's self-inflicted pain based on our expectations. As soon as I can drop those, and just accept that whatever my W does, is what she does. And that will probably never be totally congruent with what I would do, the faster I will be out of pain and into a position of power. I can then begin to take control of my responses. In other words, I let her know, via text, letter, VM or whatever. Now the ball is totally in her court. She knows. Her response or lack of, is on her. Maybe no response is her response? This is part of my GAL action plan, (that sounds so manly). I will unconditionally accept her as is. This includes these types of things.
I don't know if that makes sense. I'm running out for lunch but wanted to at least introduce this thought into the discussion.
