Looking backward but only to look forward SIX

[sage]

It's been a calm week. DH has been away at training so I was able to clear my mind a bit and focus on DD, myself, and getting back on an even keel. A couple of things came to light...

Aside from some small logistical hiccups (like getting ready in the AM), it didn't feel like noticeably more work to be flying solo...in fact, in many ways, it felt like less...it was certainly calmer. And I didn't feel as aggravated or tired or put upon as usual :-). That reinforces for me that a fair amount of my angst of late has been focused around "scorekeeping" -- the sense that I'm doing too much and h not enough....if I can get out of that mode (as I did this week as I had no choice), things feel much better.

Also, and this is just purely logistical...but it became clear that I have been trying to do way too much upon arriving home...I have always struggled with the transition to home anyway but trying to pull everything together within minutes of getting home just isn't working and is creating stress and anxiety. I gave h the head's up that I'm changing the order of how things get done (the things that I'm doing, that is). I'll try not to read too much into his tepid response to that...perhaps once he sees how much more relaxed I am, maybe he'll agree. (I'm not purposefully being cryptic...I just think the details are less important than the observation.)

I missed h to be sure and I think he missed us. I love spending time with Charlotte, too and I think all the scorekeeping, etc, was clouding that. I'm looking forward to letting that go.

I hope to be back more often next week as I'm certain to need it.

Sage