Hey LL.

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been trying to keep up with you...but lately haven't had any words for you because I have been in my own mood.
I know... It's okay. Sometimes I wonder if I just sound like I'm complaining or something because I know to everyone my sitch is so hopeful...

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you cannot wait for w to start doing what ever it is you want her to do to show you she's commited to forgive her..because she may just be waiting for you to forgive her to start doing those things...don't fall into the why should I be the one to change bit.

allow yourself to forgive her...she will then have to forgive herself...
Hmmm...are we talking about who's going to make the first move here? LL, I just don't feel like I can forgive right now. I mean, I'm getting over it, but to actually tell her that I forgive her? Those will be incredibly difficult words for me to say...especially if I'm not sure that I feel it. I agree it's kind of a grudge thing, but what to do???

I noticed that you've been a little stuck on this yourself...hence your last couple of posts. I will say, however, that on a couple of occasions my W is upset that I don't seem to "forgive" her yet...or maybe that her A still pains me frequently. I don't know if it will take me forgiving her first before she forgives herself and only then will she be able to move forward; or that she needs to simply work at our R like I've done for many years before any of that can happen.

Thing is, LL, she doesn't seem all that guilty. I mean, she's guilty, don't get me wrong. But it's like I posted a couple days ago, she doesn't show ALL that much remorse for her actions. I guess my expectations of what I think she should do are not helping in that regard. She did say the other night, "I'm sorry to put you though all of this. I would take it back if I could." I guess it's the matter of depth from which these words come. She's kind of a tough cookie, so I don't know... I guess I'm getting hung up on the semantics...

jethro