My previous post leads me quite well into the conversation I had last night with the W...

So, my W and I were working on a puzzle together last night and listening to some music. It was nice, not much conversation, but we were doing something together. However, I was not feeling quite right, per my posts. I decided to go out on a limb and came right out and said, "I'm not feeling very secure right now, and feel sad." Well, I kind of surprised my W with the comment, but she was cool.

I told her that I didn't really know how she felt because she doesn't really tell me much and that I need some reassurances if things are fine (you know verbal love language stuff). Got into the fact that I don't hear ILYs, but that she dishes that out to everyone else.

It took her some time to actually get the information out of me because I was trying to be very careful about what I was saying. She had numerous things to say. She said:
- "I'm confused because you say on the one hand that you need reassurances from me about our R, but you also say that you're not sure you'll be able to get through this." (I said I have both feelings, but that I am thinking less and less about the A)
- "Sometimes you seem to want to talk about things, then you say we shouldn't." (My response was that there was a time that I didn't think she could hear what I had to say)
(*note to self: Jethro's been sending mixed, confusing signals to W)
- "Much of what it says in your books about these wives having a wall up is similar to our situation, and that it's very likely I have had those "in love" feelings for you, but just forgot." (if you remember, she claimed she never really loved me...another WAW trait)
- "I do love you."
- "I'm happy where I am right now."
- "Things are getting better."

One thing I realized last night was that my W is now at a point where she can talk about this stuff. Up until last night I didn't really think so, but now I'm fairly comfortable with it. I do think she'd get weird on me if I dug into the A too much, but simply talking about the aftermath of the A and working on our R she's pretty open about.

Is this good DBing? Probably not. I don't like showing that I'm insecure. Naturally, self confidence is more attractive; however, I don't think it's unreasonable to express these feelings if I'm having them...just as long as it's not all of the time. What do you guys think? Did I go a bit overboard? I'm just tired of the "not saying and showing" stuff and wanted to be blunt.

jethro