Ali - If it makes you feel any better, I've been called that Robot stepford wife. They don't like that either .. That's what I mean, though... If it's not one thing, it's another excuse to justify their bad behavior.
Flicka~ thanks and yeah when I stay calm he gets more angry. He is sick,, and it makes me feel like a fool for loving him still. You cant just stop loving him in a day,,,, I am so frusrated. And yes I was proud of myself for not engaging that is what she wanted me to do,, and my best GF said to call her back and interogate her. I will do no such thing and give this whore satisfaction that she hurt me . Well actually she di dnot hurt me he did and this is just pathetic that so called Women act like this,,, and if she thinks she can ..... YUCK double yuck . is all I can say.
Ali - size 8-12 is 10-14 in the UK. You've said bodywise you're more of a Jennifer Lopez. I am SO ENVIOUS of your figure - I would KILL to have curves. I am overweight right now (at 5'7" and 214lbs, but I did quit smoking 4 weeks ago and I do a lot of weight training which means I have a lot of muscle, but still I'm chubby) BUT I have been slim - US size 8-10 and guess what? When I was slim I had NO CURVES at all. I needed padded bras and pants I'd love to have a figure like yours.
I've seen your picture too and looks wise you have NO WORRIES!!! I see a pretty, smiling girl with excellent bone structure.
So - onto what this is REALLY about. No mincing of words here. Recently you've been telling H his drinking is a problem and saying "this needs to change". Now, I agree with you on this. BUT - your way of persuading him is pushing. He probably feels got at and defensive so he's striking back. This shows you've hit him where it hurts and he doesn't like it so he's trying to hit you back where it hurts. it's all a silly circle which you can break - 180 time. How about next time you call you sound upbeat, happy, don't complain about anything, and see what happens? If H starts on you how about saying "yes, you're right". And leave it there. it's very hard to argue with someone who refuses to disagree with you.
I have another story for you .. bear with me while I track it down ... it's a bit long but here goes
Love Doesn’t Mean You Have to Be a Doormat
It’s not what you call me but what I answer to. —African proverb
What others say to us, or about us, usually offers some seed for our growth. Their actions or reactions, even those that are hurtful, may awaken us to something in our own behavior that we have refused to see, perhaps something we do that hurts them. While you can always search for the golden nugget embedded in even the most uncomfortable situations or harsh words, remember that not everything directed at you is about you. Sometimes others’ actions reveal more about what is going on in their life than in yours. We can help others through their troubles, and we can honor what they do and say, but not at the expense of honoring ourselves.
A story from the life of the Buddha illustrates that important principle, one that is often left out of Sunday school and spiritual anthologies: being loving or spiritual does not mean you have to be someone’s doormat. “I wonder if it’s really true what I’m hearing—that the Buddha will still love those who abuse him and always return good for evil. I don’t believe it,” the skeptical man thought to himself. “I shall set out and see.” Once he arrived at the place where Gautama Buddha was staying, the man walked up to the renowned teacher and began his attack, spewing his harsh criticism and abuse while the Buddha listened. When his accuser finally stopped, the Buddha asked him a simple question.
“If a man declined to accept a present offered to him, to whom would it belong?” asked the Buddha.
“It would, of course, belong to the person who offered the gift,” the man replied.
“My son,” said the Buddha, “you have railed at me, but I decline to accept your abuse and ask you to keep it yourself. As the echo belongs to the sound, and the shadow to the substance, so misery will overtake the evil-doer without fail.” He went on to explain that “the wicked person who reproaches a virtuous one is like one who looks up and spits at heaven; the spittle soils not the heavens but comes back and defiles his own person.” The man realized how foolish he had been. He went away ashamed and later returned to learn more of the Buddha’s teachings and join his community.
Had the Buddha believed what his attacker was saying, he might have begun to doubt himself. He might have given this man permission to define his real worth. Had the Buddha become outraged, he might have lashed out at his attacker, infuriating the man further and escalating the conflict. In so doing, the Buddha would have lost his loving center, his perspective and his ability to see the truth. Instead, Gautama took the opportunity to stand up for himself, go into his heart and deliver with love the truth this man needed to hear.
This story holds more than one lesson for us. It shows that loving-kindness does not require us to be wishy-washy or passive. It also illustrates that even when we are drawing the line, we can do it in a way that is kind and loving as well as frank and firm. How we do something is often as important as what we do. Gautama didn’t take the bait and accuse his accuser of being a horrible person, yet he did make it clear that he would not accept abuse. By not accepting the man’s criticism or taking his words personally, the insults just didn’t stick. The Buddha got out of the way so the man could see himself as he really was.
Honoring ourselves and others in that way gives us tremendous power because it comes from the heart. By firmly, honestly and lovingly drawing the line, by choosing not to accept someone’s worst behavior, we not only honor ourselves, but we also uphold the best and the highest in that person. As the Buddha put it, “If a man foolishly does me wrong, I will return to him the protection of my ungrudging love.” Shakespeare put it another way, just as powerfully: “This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.” Honesty delivered with love is one of the best gifts we can give—not only to others but to ourselves.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
Well he called and acted "stupid" and made up the excuse I knew he would! That is why it took him so long to call me cause he was coming up with another lie to cover his ass! Hopefully you dont fall off your chairs when I tell you the lie he came up with. And do not be siping your Coffe either cause it mught come out of your nose!?
I explained what happenned and said I looked up the area code and knew it was from Columbus Ohio, and simply in a calm voice asked " do you know this person or why she would have my numbers?" He aksed what she said and what I said and then started with his "speech" First calling me an idiot for playing their game... it is supposedly my ex friend who is GF to his friend that is there and works for H. She called this girl and put her up to it to hurt me... and he alone gave himself away by saying I would never give " that "dumb ass bitch your # ,, yeah reading thru the lines too much but shouldnt he have said I would never give any "DAB" you number? Yeah I aint going to try and figure him out!!! he has lost it and he has been "caught" and he cant deal with it and he then got so frustrated ... and said"... we have been Married for 10 years and you are still doing this" "I gave you another chance and now I am done with you F*&( YOU!" cause I said as crazy as my EX GF is she would never do something like this to try and hurt me. he said my EX GF called her BF cell phone and heard this girl and then proceeded to give her my numbers... I said XXXXX doesnt evenhave OUR hime phone plus it is a businees line... that is when he said he was done and hung up on me and funny thing is I was as calm as canbe while he was going off , I think it pissed him off even more. ~wow he is done with me? HOW GRAND! This is too much and then he even said what are you a teenager that you are falling for this,, HOW OLD ARE YOU?
... no actually last time I checked I stay home with my kids and I help you run your business well I could go on forever. ~wow does he really believe his own lies? are you absolutely serious?
Amazing thing is my self esteem is intact and I feel sick but I KNOW for a fact I wll be ok whatever happens.... He is truly sick and he needs help.... that if which I am not able nor want to give.... I used to fall for this and get so sick and involved,,, this is not the first time this happens just the first time the Whore get spissed enough to call me.
Thanks Jen I was waiting patiently to hear from you . I was feeling so upset last nite had I had your number I actually wanted to call you... you inspire me. I was thinking at 3 am what would Jen say to me ? You are such a beautiful Human Being...... thank you for posting to me lately you have helped renew my spirit in way you will never know! This has not made me lose sight of who I am and he can act out all he wants lately it has gone in one ear and out the other. I dunno if it is strength or that I am starting not to care about him.. I am honestly sooo confused right now..... I honestly dont know... what I am feeling in regards to him!!!! You can only take so much ya know? But thank GOD for you all and this Website w/o it I dunno how I would have made it this far.. so what I have gained back for sure, for sure is ME! help~ Love and God bless.... Ali
No worries - how do you have my number though? I'm in the UK, by the way, so 3am may have been earlier for me i'm not annoyed if you have my number, but want to check you 1. have the right one and 2. ask how you got it
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
~Jen, I do not have your number silly ! It was a figure of speech...
" HAD I had your number..." was how it was it was supposed to come out. You are too sweet~
I was so upset last nite I could not sleep and I was shaking literally. You just seem to know all the right things to say to me to get my mind free of bad thoughts and feeling bad. Thanks, I cant say it enough.
I am sure it is hard to understand my posts as I am just typing too, too fast and not checking my posts as well as I normally do. I am ok though and I do so appreciate your support,,, you are the best and thanks for taking time out of your day for me. Your words to go straight to my heart. Love, Ali
I'd love to have a figure like yours.
