Ack, no, you aren't toxic either. I expect that there are very few people who post anywhere on these boards who are. (I would say no people, but I can think of one old poster falling into that category.)
The point is there are all kinds of reasons coming from within a WAH and from the problems between the WAH and LBS to explain that behavior. Unless there is clear proof (like phone calls every 10 minutes, or a screaming banshee leaping from a car after being delayed for 30 seconds), there is no reason to think the behavior is because an OW is being controlling. Seriously. The pressure to get away from an LBS in some contexts and not others can be generated entirely within the WAH because of his own guilt. I can make up a story for pretty much any sitch that does not require an OW to be an overcontrolling b*tch.
So, why do they put up with it?
(1) Maybe they don't. Maybe OW is not controlling at all, maybe it just helps you to think she is.
(2) If the OW is controlling, they put up with it because they want to for their own reasons. Maybe the OW is controlling because the WAH lied to her and the WAH puts up with it to try to build trust with her. Maybe the WAH puts up with it because he feels worthless. Maybe the WAH puts up with it because he is using her for sex. WHO CARES?
