You are getting great advice about the anxiety thing. I just want to let you know that I am another one that has had to deal with it.
When we got married (I was 20, W was 19) and had our first child, I got very stressed out about the responsibility and wasnt handeling it well at all. I started having the anxiety attacks. Then just like everyone else has mentioned, it fed off of itself. My main fear finally was that I was going to have an anxiety attack in public and either pass out, or make a scene. I was deathly affraid of it and it controlled my life. I couldnt go to the movies, go out to eat, or go anywhere that I might embarass me or my family by having an attack. It is a horrible feeling.
I tried meds, but like RJJ said, it took a long time to figure out what worked and what didnt. In the meantime I was getting info from my MIL about the subject and started using some techniques similar to what everyone else has mentioned. I think that it actually helped more than the meds. The thing the meds did was help me to relax. Knowing that I wouldnt have attacks in public. I could have been given sugar pills and it probably would have done the same thing. It was my mind.
I do have a history of anxiety/depression that runs in my family though, and some people believe that it can be a chemical imbalance that causes it. I am not real sure, but I think it is a possibility that could be part of it. Might think about that with your W too, if she has a history of it in her family. Just a thought.
I know exactly how you feel about the sex thing. I often felt let down after a very romantic evening. I guess it is because physical affection is my love language. Not sure if I can be of any help with this subject. I just try to put it on the back burner for now in my sitch. Its very hard to deal with though.
Oh, BTW, along with telling W that it will be ok and reassuring her of that, also let her know that you are there for her. That anytime she needs to talk or be distracted, that you are there to help her through it. Its a comfort thing and it helps a ton. I was only comfortable around my W at that time, and it helped to know she was around for me.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
