My heart has been completely torn apart

[I_Surrender]

Okay here goes, and I am so sorry to be setting a bad example for all those of you who are DB'ing and trying so hard to save your marriages.

Last night W and I walked, we had a good long R discussion. Essentially what came from it, is she does not know what she wants. She is at least conversationally, or via email, or someway emotionally supporting OM.

So I stated confidently and rightfully (for me) that a precondition of us rebuilding our marriage, was that she cut all ties with OM. Secondly that she decides to work towards rebuilding our relationship, or not as the case may be. W backpedaled a little trying to say that yes she did break off ties 100% but could tell he was hurting by looking at him

It would be a very long yarn, so I won't go into the whole conversation. Ultimately I said that I felt I caved and gave in on my principals, when she had the last EA 3 years ago. This time I was carefully going to be respectful of my boundaries and principals of what I felt a marriage should be, and what was necessary to rebuild our R.

I thought and thought last night. It really has been 3 years I do not want to repeat. W does not have the wherewithal to make this work.

So this evening I am going to take W up to the place where we first ML as teens 31 years ago. It's a very beautiful place, and I am a hopeless romantic. I think it will be the perfect place to close this chapter in our lives, and hopefully move forward as friends. I am going to tell W that I want to work towards a formal separation then a divorce.

I do not know where all the cards will fall, but I have to do this for myself. I feel that I am ready, ready to be on my own with the kids. I hope that we will be able to work on a separation agreement together without bitterness.

Once again I am so sorry to be doing this while many of you work so hard to save your marriages. I just have to do what's right for me. Sorry