Crushed but moving on

[Rob1231]

Rob, I guess the one difference is that I'm not doing this to save my M anymore. I'm doing this for me. I need to prove to myself (thank you Cori!) that I can meet obsticales in life with love instead of anger. This is for me. I will not allow her poor choices hurt me anymore. She can make all the poor choices she wants. The more she makes the more it makes me realize that I do not want to spend my life with her...but I refuse to be angry with her for her poor choices...those are her's to make.

If I implied that you should do this exclusively to save your M, I did not mean to. While I think it was an important factor in my own success, I also am a huge believer in the idea that, above all else, Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

And Ian asked the question he asked because she IS with him and will be with him. "I will not leave you for him" was just another lie. She may tell herself that she is leaving me because of issues in our M...but the fact is, he is still the carrot waiting on the other side.

I'm sorry to say, that doesn't surprise me much. When my W was pushing hardest for the D and for her moving out, the OM was waiting in the wings. She told herself - and believed it, I think - that this 'safety net' wasn't a big part of her actions. However, when her A imploded, I believe she discovered that she was relying on it much more than she had admitted to herself. Is the same true for your W? Based on my experience - probably.

Does this make things easier? Certainly not.

Does this change what you decide to do? Only you can answer that. How long to keep standing for the M, and when it's time to move on, is something each of us has to decide for ourselves.