Ok...first off, lets talk about this little spat. Knock it off! Ian, I think you took what was some constructive critisism as an insult because of the source and used that as an opporunity to go off. And I do agree with Kristy's definition - not Ian's and Ian and I have talked about that. What it comes down to is, if I was in a committed R with her and she wanted my advice, etc...then yes I would have the responsibility to raise these issues. However, we are not and she does not...so it does no good to raise them. Anything I suggest she would just run in the opposite direction anyway...so it only harms her more.
Rob and Jen...thank you! Jen...my "friend's" friend that we went out with has actually invited to dinner tomorrow night...interesting. Rob, I guess the one difference is that I'm not doing this to save my M anymore. I'm doing this for me. I need to prove to myself (thank you Cori!) that I can meet obsticales in life with love instead of anger. This is for me. I will not allow her poor choices hurt me anymore. She can make all the poor choices she wants. The more she makes the more it makes me realize that I do not want to spend my life with her...but I refuse to be angry with her for her poor choices...those are her's to make.
And Ian asked the question he asked because she IS with him and will be with him. "I will not leave you for him" was just another lie. She may tell herself that she is leaving me because of issues in our M...but the fact is, he is still the carrot waiting on the other side. And it may work out for them. I believe in my W enough that I am fairly certain that he is probably a good guy. Immoral for messing around with an M woman and ripping my kids lives apart...but I'm sure he treats her well. Will they have issues? Of course, all Rs have issues. The shame I see is that at least we know our issues...she'll have to learn new issues with him and risk failing again. What will happen if and when they do have issues and she decides to stray again. Will he stand by her and treat her with unconditional love...odds are no. But that is for her to learn.
I just need to focus on doing what is right for me right now and that is to stay this loving, caring guy that I have fought so hard to become. Her choices sting...no doubt. But I need to stay strong and let it go. (in my opinion that is only something that someone with a very strong self-esteem could do!...IAN!)
SO....last night was my Ds dance recital. SO DAMN CUTE! I was very, very proud of her. Her parents backed out for some reason...could be because they didn't want to face my parents...maybe. Anyway...I had so much fun watching her. I actually started to cry during her 2nd performance...I love that little girl so much.
But we had a good night as a family...it was fun. One thing that struck me. On her way there...she got lost. She called me. I was on the phone with Ty and didn't realize she was trying to reach me. I looked down and had 4 missed calls...quickly called her and she was lost....running late and freaking out. I tried to calm her down, find out where she was and tell her how to get there. The recital was in a town 15 minutes north of us...pretty snotty town....well she started going off on "I hate this town. I hate the people in this town. All driving their huge SUVs" I just laughed at it...it was kind of funny. But then I looked back on it and thought...just one more instance where she has to find someone else to blame. There was nobody else to blame...she left the directions at home and she got lost...so she blamed the whole town! It's all about ownership. LOL. I do hope that she can learn that lesson someday and stop playing the victim.
