Crushed but moving on

[osu43130]

Ian,

Do you believe that the loving detachment should continue on if theh spouse is continuing the relationship with the individual that they had an affair with?

O.K. I want to chime in on this one because I am going through this right now as well.

As far as lovingly detatching I think it is the best way to go in every and all sitch's no matter what is going on especially if there are kids involved. I say this for the following reasons.

1) The kids need to see that their parents can always settle their difference and get along. The differences need to be put aside when their are kids involved because they have already dealt with enough sh!t as it is and if there parents go through the rest of their lives hating each other they will learn from our examples that it is alright to hate when some one wrongs you.

2) Lovingly detatching helps you deal with the problem at hand in a more rational manner. Why always continue to fight about the same old crap. Yes the STBXW and I have our differeing opinions on our morals and my sitch is far different than anyone's that I have read on here but in the same sense I deal with the same sh!t as everyone else. I CHOSE TO TRY AND HANDLE IT IN A FIRM BUT LOVINGLY MANNER. And for that it confuses people on here and they get the assumption that I am going to reconcile with my W.

Is it easy to lovingly detatch? Hell No. Is it the right thing to do? I do not know I guess to each his own, but in my opinion which might not mean much to many people anymore. I feel that is the person that I want to be and the person I want I want my kids to grow up and say hey I want to be like that guy. He went through all of this crap and was able to come out on top and save his future by gaining control and letting go of the anger and resent ment when it did not seem possible.

Now I am not saying I am friends with my STBXW or am I an enemy either. I am more indifferent than anything else.

Just my 2 cents.