Thanks so much for your insights LL, lizbeth, and Sage. This lack of feeling is a burden I don't particular want to have...

Quoting LL:
I was feeling then like he had felt before he left.
That's what I'm afraid of.

Quoting LL:
I don't think it is wrong or bad to be feeling the way you are..it sounds like a bit of detachment and there is nothing wrong with it...infact it may be your key to finding a happy healthy fullfilling r with your w.
At first I thought it was detachment, but I don't know. I kind of feel this way with my kids too. I hate that!

Quoting LL:
is only when we take off those rose colored glasses that we used to view them from and see them for the regular people they are that we can begin to accept them and learn to appreciate them for them and not hoping they live up to the them that we hold in our hearts.
Maybe this is it. I have always kind of put my W on that pedestal because of how I've felt about her over the years. I feel like such a fool now. A fool that has had a brutal dose of reality.

Thanks much LL...

Quoting lizbeth:
We've worked so hard to get our spouses back and now they are, for the most part, and we wonder why we were fighting so hard, in a way.

I just don't feel the intensity of emotion right now.
Yup, lizbeth, have to agree. I've worked hard and I'm tired. I feel like riding it out a bit and letting my W really work. Well, in a way, she is...I see it every day, so I can't complain. But sometimes I feel so toasted...mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Quoting Sage:
There are parts of our emotions that we shut down in order to deal with the A., there are parts of us that we shut down for self-preservation, and there are parts that we shut down (least for me) that just don't seem that **important** in the larger scheme of things anymore
Yes, I completely agree with you. I really don't care about the small, petty stuff anymore. It's so meaningless. In terms of the gamut of feelings...yes, sometimes I'm attracted to my W and othertimes I'm repelled.

I've been a real treat to be around all weekend. My W kind of asks me what's wrong, but I tell her she doesn't want to know, so she shouldn't ask. She makes comments to me like, "Why the about-face? I thought things were going well." My response, "I don't think you realize the irrepairable damage you have done to our R. I'm trying to work through it. I've been feeling pretty good lately, but I can't every day. I'm human. So please don't say those things to me anymore."

Well, it got her attention and I don't think she'll be making those comments any longer. I was nice, but firm. And yes, I used the term, "irrepairable" because with some things it is. The trust will NEVER be totally repaired and my innocence/ignorance will NEVER be what it was. Our R will forevermore be slightly tainted and my thoughts about the human spirit slightly jaded.

Also, I haven't gotten an ILY since the big one last week, but that's okay. Hopefully, one will come along soon enough.

Thanks everyone...

jethro