Hey there, I just saw this post. Sorry I missed it.
I ditto so much of what was said. (Forgive me for just "ditto-ing") but I agree, I really don't know what i would do in your situation. It is unique because of the deployment and I am reluctant to tell you to lay your feelings all out, when essentially you are a success case and you did it by acting as if and dbing. *MY* personal reaction would be to talk it to death and I don't think that's good advice. lol I certainly do NOT think your sitch is not that bad, it's just not in absolute CRISIS mode like some people. I want to support you and I guess i would just say take the advice given above, I agree with all of it. You need to say SOMETHING, but Mrs. Nop had some subtle ways to kind of start. I have tried in years past to remind myself "he is not a mind reader - tell him what I need". If I wanted a compliment for cooking dinner, cleaning the kitchen, etc., I would all smiles say, "How does the kitchen look?" It's not the best sitch in the world, but truly is SOOO much better than steaming about never being appreciated. You deserve a lot of credit and support. Give it to yourself and secondly, don't be afraid to nicely ask for what you need from H. You are doing so well...
You may have already posted this. But did he ever show any remorse for the affair that he had? Did he do things to try and win you back or make up for it sort of speak. Because I don;t think any man can make up for the pain that an affair causes.
I was just thinking maybe for him the way to get past it is to act like it didn't happen. In that sense maybe he doesn't want to hurt you anymore. So he simply just acts like all is okay. What is it you would like for him to do?
What would I like him to do? I guess just show a little more *love* and maybe, yeah I guess, some remorse, but I know that isn't going to happen.
No, he hasn't tried to 'make up' for anything. After the D bomb, I did all the work to get us back on track and he was along for the ride. I guess he was to the point where he felt that that was what he was 'entitled' to.
Anyway, talked to him last night for a long time. He said that he had been thinking about me all night the night before. They had all gone out to the bar and of course the guys are all drinking & chasing a$$. He's like well, I was hooping & hollering w/ the best of them, but when it came to watching the other guys chasing a$$, I was thinking to myself "where's my Kelly" "I really want my Kelly here." The way it was said, I realize that he didn't even HAVE to share that w/ me and he wasn't doing it necessarily to reassure me, he's just not thinking "A" mode anymore.
We finally have something to focus on together. We're looking around for some acreage b/c in the long run, we want a little 'ranch' down here.
I know things are going to be really good for us when he gets back. We'll have to go through some 'stuff' getting aclimated to him being home again and us living separate lives, but I know we'll work through that.
I still just have a lot of emotions & feelings about everything that has happened to get through and it's hard doing it w/ him not around.
I do know that I've always been a very strong personality and will be just fine and will get through this. I also know that, whether I ever 'hear' it from him, if he hasn't already realized it, one day he will appreciate all I've done to save our M and our family.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Well, the boys & I went for a drive to look at some acreage that has an old farmhouse on it. Delapitated, I'm sure, but H and I thought it would be fun just to have our own 11 acres to hunt on and fix the house up slowly -- we wouldn't have to live there.
Well, anyone who knows the 'country' knows that a "farm road" can be very long and so we never actually found the property. Oh well, it was something to do to get us out of the house. It's still the weekends that are hardest. We're now eating McD's (yum - sarcasm) and hopefully I'll actually get a nap. Surprisingly, none of the boys fell asleep in the car and we were gone for over 2 hours.
The funny thing was that the description of the land actually said "watch out for snakes -- bring a hoe or something" I am dead serious -- reading this as a city girl that I am, I just had to laugh out loud and figure it sounded just like something our family would get ourselves into. H said if we get chickens, they'll kill all the snakes. We also were joking last night that I guess you can get a 22 w/ snake shot and we would go out there shooting snakes for fun. I think I've been in TX too long It's actually growing on me.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
Cadesmom - I was washing up this afternoon and saw a spitting cobra slither past in our back garden. Where we live, a chicken coop would be like buffet for the pythons 11 acres sound heavenly though.
Not long to go now, before you see your H. Apart from phone calls, can you stay in touch via email?
Yes, we email, but he pretty much just responds to mine, nothing deep from H. Looking forward to getting over there. Got my passport yesterday, that was a relief.
Me: 38 H: 35 S4, S5, S10 Bomb 01/07 Wanted D - nothing would change his mind Numerous A's prior to D bomb; EA prior/during D bomb Piecing 04/07 Deployed for a year 05/07 Still Piecing 2010 M 11 yrs 05/10
We moved to the tropics a few months ago and have a lovely place out in the countryside, complete with broadband and all sorts of wildlife
The email thing can help, even if he does not respond in kind. Chatty, upbeat notes that he can read again when he is feeling down, which must happen when he is away for so long.
11 acres sound heavenly though. 