Bombs keep dropping - not meant to be??

[Jen_Jam]

He popped back in for something and said he didn't know what I wanted him to say.

This sounds like my H - he managed to change, but it took me pointing out calmly that he was wrong then REALLY backing off to let him see where he was wrong.
My attitude to my H was "well, I'm not going to tell you what to say, it's up to you to decide. Sorry but you'll have to be an adult about this". And then I left him to it.

He says he'd just believe me if the tables were turned.

Oh, isn't your H Mr F'ing Perfect .... what a twonk.

IP - I think you're doing great in standing up for yourself here, it's very convenient for your H to blame YOU for his problems as the payoff he gets is that he doesn't have to do any kind of thinking about himself. He's essentially a bit lazy. I think this guy needs to do quite a bit of soul searching and could maybe do with some individual C sessions. If he thinks all his problems will go away if he takes up with an OW then he really is kidding himself.

Sorry IP - it sounds so much like you've saved yourself but your M.... well, it's up to your H to step up to the mark. This is a tough one as it's hands off, set your boundaries, refuse to be blamed, a bit of tough love. As a woman it's easy to step in and say "there, there, don't worry, I'll make it better, it doesnt really matter" and I think as women we are conditioned to do this. The trouble with this is that when we do this it gives the other person NO impetus to change.

My H and I used to go round in this vicious cycle. I'd be upset about something (say him being home late) and would approach him bout it, he'd get upset that he'd upset me, then I'd have to comfort him and apologise for complaining and then say what I was complaining about didn't really matter anyway!!! How NUTS is that!!!???!!!! I broke this a while back, when it got to the point when he was all "Oh I'm upset cos I've upset you" I'd say "well, yes you have upset me, what are you going to do about it" ie just stood my ground. i didn't get angry or tearful, I didn't bully or blame, just stated how I felt and left the ball in his court. I don't think my H was even AWARE he was pushing the problem back on me. He's a natural conflict avoider BUT he is learing and he realises now that his avoidance of conflict has actually CREATED more problems than it could ever solve.

So - for you and your H, I think the lines you are already working on, as is "yes you are a tw4t. What are you going to do about it cos I'm just divine, my dear" might just do him some good. Either that or I'll come round and knock seven tonnes of sheet out of him, I don't care how far away you live, your H makes me feel angry!!!