The answer to your query is that you didn't do anything to cause her to make a bad choice. She did that all by herself.
That's what took me a little while to understand.
However, I still read time and time again about how it takes two to cause these kind of problems in a relationship. During that awful period a couple of years ago, we BOTH pulled away from each other. I wasn't handling stuff particularly well at all. I put on weight. I sat around and did nothing. I lost my social life. I just wasn't interested. Basically, she tried hard to hold it together, yet I continued to be a miserable [censored] - and I didn't even realise what I was doing. I was a completely different person to who I was. Even my parents had noticed that I wasn't running on all cylinders - and they didn't even see the half of what we were going through.
So while I'm not to blame for her making the choices she made, I was certainly a contributing factor to WHY those choices were made in the first place. Yes, she could have handled things differently, but she didn't. Nothing we can do about that now. However, it's something I've learned from. And something she's learned from, too.
And I don't want to go too much into the EA, but it was very brief, not particularly 'successful' in any way, and I get the feeling that she was pleased for it to end.
Originally Posted By: NOPkins
Which brings me to my question. Does your wife 100% completely OWN that she and she alone made her bad choice, and that no one forced or coerced her into making said choice, including any existing situational contributers to the state of the relationship?
Yes, of course she does. She's apologised for making it. She knows it was wrong. And she knows there were other - better - ways around the problem.
I think you're probably right, though. She's not being honest. I think she probably is vacillating. Not between me and the thought of someone else, however, but between me and 'no me'.
She's still making sure. If that makes sense?
Her behaviour around me isn't the behaviour of someone who is [still] involved with anyone else.
