NO Wait,,,Please,,, YOU were my last hope!!

[Kim07]

Wellll,,,I think I can't go any lower than what I am at right now, I think i've hit rock bottom and I don't like it down here!!

Had appt. w/DB Queen today(alone, suppose to be 3rd w/H), 6/21,,,,She said, "I'm sorry, I wish I could of helped but its' over, you two were separated for too long." "You spent countless yrs trying to bend backwards for this R & this man when in deed it was probably over long ago, I hear you saying "enough"!

But, but nooooooo,,you were my last hope,,please help me!!

Mind you, that I had just spent 3hrs the night before saying goodbye to our 17+yr old cat before she was put down for kidney failure,,never saw H cry so much in my life(tried to console H-didn't want any of it-verbal or physical, ie. hug),,God loves his kitties, she was such a good one!

Next week will be our 15yr anniversary,,this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!

H today~~~after 2hr R convo,
ME: "So does that mean we're done??"

H: "YES, we're DONE!"
ME: "I hope you got what you wanted & I hope your happy."
H: "I am,,,I hope you will be too."

ME: " "

Someone pleaassse wake me up from this nightmare,,this reconfirms the fact that I will NEVER get M'd again, the pain is just too unbearable. I asked Michele, "Does that mean I need to get my affairs in order & hire a 'D' atty?" She said, "Yes, protect yourself & the kids!" and work on yourself!

During my 2hr talk w/H, I mentioned that we need to sit down calmly w/Mediator to agree to split assessts, debt, parenting, etc. that I wanted to protect the boys from harm,,he says, "Like what?" I say, "like your 401k, the businesses, life ins., etc.(our houses & cars are already split & so is time w/kids 50/50),,
H says,,,"I'll give my businesses to the IRS before I give you any of them & then i'll take 1/2 your house!" "You want a fight i'll give you a fight!"
ME: "So you don't think, after working 2 jobs all my life & supporting you thru 9/11, I deserve any of what you earned during our 15yr M?"
H: "Hell no!"
ME:"But the judge is the ultimate decision maker on our case, he will look at everything, as well as a mediator, to make it all fair! If you look on the back of the packet of papers you gave me, the formulas' right there re: how much we make & the adj. gross income of both parties!
H: "Its' plain & simple, you owe me $300 child support to go toward your health ins. since you don't pay it yourself!! DIG!
(I use to,(for 6ppl) it use to come out of MY paycheck for many yrs)! I owe you nothing, you should feel lucky!!

We ended it there and now I have like 3 e-mails from H twisting my words around re: our convo,,,I only answered one in a matter of fact way,,now,,no more,,I can't take it!

I'd like to tell this OW that, yeah she won, i'm sure they will be the happy little couple once we are D'd!

Kim