My Miracle will come....

[Delil@h]

Well hubby just called a bit ago and seems he is a demit about getting out of OHIO and wants me to really get the number of an old friend ( he used to work for and is opening a CO. here in WI again*) he said I want it today! Shheeeeeeeeeesh!
I had called for him over the weekend... and left a message.

anyway he said call his DAD if you have to. HMMMMMMMMMMM? I mentioned this over the weekend and he said not to. NOW he wants me to? ay, ay ay.... Simmer down there MR. He didnt say it mad more like desperation.

Yeah I am not trying to figure him out onward and upward.

I was looking in my work notebook that i carry around and I had written two pages on this same subject of standing up for myself and setting boundaries,,,, geez.. Old habits surely do die hard. But even though it will be a challenge to FINALLY stand up for me...

I AM GOING TO DO IT... IT TAKES 3 WEEKS TO BREAK A HABIT SO i NEED TO KEEP AT IT and then if it takes longer then maybe I wont slip back into old patterns so much. Dbing has brought me this far and I need to keep going, this wont get better on it own. Amazing how many times I have to fall down and start over this time I am going to take is slow day by day and stand up for myself and my boundaries in a kind loving strong way that I know I can.
I just need to remember it is ok and actually it is REQUIRED for me to feel Happy and Secure in my M.

I have pussyfooted around this issue like a little kitten since last fall and actually most of my M to this Man and as hard as it will seem to be for me to change my pattern with him once again I must do this and slowly but surely I shall succeed. And like OT reminded me ...
WHAT KIND OF MESSAGE IS THIS SENDING MY KIDS?
I honestly never thought I was setting a bad example like that so .....
I can do this and I MUST!
Everyday I wake up knowing I need to do this and I need to keep it in my mind at the forefront.... no wishy washy well maybe tomorrow... LIKE in the past.
These are the ugly things I have been thru..
1. 5 years ago a DNA test to prove hubby wasnt the father of some *W*'s kid... ( that one practiaclly did me in) he wasnt...


2. A year before that he told me it was over ... I went completely dark ( never knew about DBing) and he called 3 weeks later after calling every one we knew to get a hold of me. I filed for D the day before he called me, had a job and 2000.$ saved for a new start with me and my 5 kids!

3. Then , an EA last year in the spring.... he admitted to it saying .. we would only talk about you.

4. The bomb... May 1st 2006

5. Ow discovery when I see his lovely Tattoo on Fathers day Last year. yuck....

If I can get over and thru these things I dare say I can do ANYTHING.



Thanks guys for all your support and all your kind words and 2x4S
Love you all ....
God bless.....

[Delil@h]

Well folks MY H basically told me earlier this evening that he is tired of me not taking care of myself ( IE my body ) that enough is enough... basically stating thru the lines that if I was a trophy wife I would not worry about what he was up to..( MY comments this am?) and he is sick of seeing me like this!

These are the following compliments I recieved...
1. IF you were in shape you would not worry about me its because you look the way you do that you get insecure. ?
2. You dont know how to pick out clothes I dunno how you think you can wear everything you see in the magazines. ?
3. I really especially hate the dress you wore when we went for Sushi.
4. you need to exercise
5. You always say hey I lost 5 pounds and then when I see you , you look exactly the same. ?
6. I do not work my ass off for you to be at home just eating all the time. ?
7. dont talk about it just do it all you do is talk talk talk and no action I am sick of it! ?
8. I have been waiting for years for you to do this. ?
9. There are women who are older than you and have had kids and they look great so the kisd arent an excuse. ?
10. I dunno why you cant go work out for 2 hours you always make up excuses. ?
11. I will buy you all new clothes just dont pick out all the [censored] you always do. ?
12. Go do it it is nice out dont go to the Y you need to run and sweat. ?
13. I am serious, do you hear me? I am very serious so you BETTER think about is and take me serious I am so tired of this.

Maybe more but I think you get the jist....
Nice..
GOD bless...

[Delil@h]

Well we will see what happens tommorrow,,, I just received a call from that girl... First she called my cell direct and her # showed up and then she called my home phone private... and asked if I had called her number?
I was half asleep and said no I dunno you mean someone called from your number to mine she sadi no you called me ... do you know a Tracy??? and I said No sorry I dont... my heart was @ to jump out me chest but I stayed calm....
I am so upset and I cannot sleep. I dunno if I can do this anymore guys..... somebody please help me....
I am getting fed up.
Love , Ali

[BeingMe]

Okay, let me apologise in advance, but I have to say some pretty negative things about your H ..... and I haven't really posted on your threads much, but I could not keep silent about this post.

He may be, as you call him, beautiful (which is only skin deep), but he is a shallow, egotistical fool, who has the empathy of a rock. I was going to say more, but that says it all, I think.

Keep working on yourself and your self-esteem. Know that you are a wonderful mom, a faithful wife, a caring daughter (and, if I got to know you better, I'm sure I can come up with a lot more good stuff to say about you), who deserves better than this.

One of the most brilliant things I have learned through all this is never to allow someone else define who I am. Do not let your H or your mom do that to you.

[Delil@h]

Thank you I cant sleep although I have tried and I feel sick to my stomache... I have been going back and forth with this in my head and I dunno but I feel like I can take no more... and by beautiful, I mostly mean personality wise . he is good looking but I would trad that inj a hearbeat for integrity.

I feel so upset and frustrated and no tears just anger ... and yeah that does about some him up ... I really foolishy believed he was better.



Thanks being me I felt like I was going to explode til I read your post.. and when he said all those mean things to me I just stayed calm and get this...
I went Roller blading for an hour earlier this eve and he called and asked what I was up to and as he called someone driving honked , he had the nerve to call me back and ask who was honking?
ARE YO F'ing serious .. he needs help. serious help,, and now that i think of it maybe I do ,, why do I stay anymore. I am sure he will try to explain his way out of this one,,,, scary is that what he is doing is upsetting but I am getting so numb at the same time and maybe it wouldnt be so fun for him to be a PIG if I werent in the picture...
I feel sick.. thank you for you post....
I am afraid that I cant get over this, really afraid for my kids. I told him if he ever cheated again and I found it it would pretty much be over . He is sick and needs help and I cannot give it to him...
God please help me find strength...LOve ,Ali

[Delil@h]

but he is a shallow, egotistical fool, who has the empathy of a rock. I was going to say more, but that says it all, I think.

Sad to agree but that pretty much somes it up.

[Delil@h]

This is too much.. I feel like I cant catch my breath and my heart hurts......
LITERALLY !
Sorry guys . I am at a loss and I feel so disappointed.... I am disguted and yet I want to throw up but cant....

[Delil@h]

http://www.xanga.com/alimari OK you all I posted this pic in November to someone close to me to make them laugh.... and I am so upset with this that my H has most likely done and said to me earlier today cause he is so sick of looking at me like this...
Dunno but when I see the pic of me ( and my girls) I do not see what he sees,,, SLOTH H*LL NO!!! Sweet and loving and caring and so on and so forth and I have a great personality too. And my body brought five kids into the world and now I am supposed to look like NICOLE RITCHIE? are you serious....?
Ok yeah now I have gone of the deep end......
Sorry guys I will try to breathe and calm down...
HELP!!!!

[inpain]

Hi Alimari.

So sorry you're H said such hurtful things to you. I can't believe he thinks that! I looked at your pic and you're really beautiful. I know its hard to get some sleep but try to sweetie. As you know I'm were you are too at the moment so don't really know what advice to give. Try to keep your chin up. ((Alimari))

[Delil@h]

I have tried IP.. and guess what MY heart is racing and I think the adrenaline is pumping so hard that I am not the least bit tired.... and here it is 4:01 am
I am just sick and ..... ???? UUUGGGHHH!
God bless... Thanks for posting sweetie... Ill try to lay down again....