Eventually you'll have to take the bull by the horns. Either she sees a new counselor with you to work out why she's not having sex with you, you live in a celibate marriage, or you find a woman who's both a friend AND a lover. It's all a very personal choice for you.
Myself, I'd find a new counselor ASAP. One that has dealt with the conflicts generated in some women due to feminisms negative defintion of men that was highly voiced in the late “70's and 80“s.
You'll have to make up your mind and choose. She has several issues that have to be dealt with but the question is really how long you want to live celibate. 5 years? 7 years? 10 years? The rest of your life if you stay with her?
As I said before, take the bull by the horns. You may lose her as a friend and then find another. It's sounds right now like she's in the "I don't want him but I'll be DAMNED if anyone else gets him either!"
What does Xue want? What are Xue's goals in life? Does Xue want sex ever again? Does it absolutely have to be with her or can Xue find another mate? What would a new mate look like? What does Xue want in a woman and can this woman he's with fill those shoes?
Answer some questions and see if you can't find a counselor for more guidance. You've been thinking too much of her (a little of the "white knight" thinking doesn't hurt but too much and you're just a rug for someone to wipe their feet on.). Think of you and what you want.
