Not sure anymore

[Delil@h]

I hope you can sleep tonight. I am sure after the bonfire with all your DB friends you will sleep like a baby
If I may explain what happened to me @ 5 years ago it might help cause I am terrible at giving advice unless I have been thru it.
@ 5 years ago ( yeah H is a WAS every 5 years it seems *)
anyway he told me it was over etc etc etc . I was devastated. So I file for D 3 weeks later after no contact at all. He was in Mexico and I was here in WI.

I figured he hasnt called me he is serious... I am heartbroken and devastated ( yeah I already said that ) and mind you I still love him to death,, but realize this has to be. So I filed....
he called me the next day...
Said he was sorry since the day I left and his pride would not let him call me and he expected me to call him.

I guess what I am trying to make you see and I hope it calms you some is ...
He filed ..
what does that mean to you? answer is obvious but you know what I mean? it doesnt just signify the D for you it is so much more....

I filed and I deeply loved/love, my H but felt there was no other way.
He was hurt too just like you are right now ...

SO...
your H files .
he sees no other option in his mind cause " you will never change"
he is confused/WRONG/MISTAKEN @ that cause you can change...
and YOU DID as a matter of fact!!!!

So then he never follows thru and end of story...


He sees he made a mistake by filing and doesnt ever go thru with it.

Sure you can grill him about it but will this realy help you feel closer to him?
I dunno sweetie, Just my 2 cents...

I am sure you are so hurt right now but try and calm down some.
YOU cannot know what he was thinking or why he did it and then changed his mind or why he kept it from you..


..... just know he loves you and he is with you if not physically cause he is so far away but in spirit. HE REALLY IS.

I was impressed when he said to you that he missed you when he was out w/ the boys the other nite ... Men are usually not this "mushy" unless they really love you. MY OPINION*

*dunno all of this is my opinion. Just trying to help some.

But please focus on the positive .. he did not go thru with it. Maybe in time he will tell you why and answer all your questions.. Maybe it is still to hard for him to talk about. MY H felt so much guilt for what he did if I would even frown he would get nervous and say "what is the matter.." are you ok?" and I knew he was feeling bad so I let it go or I would say " MY tummy hurts... he saw right thru it.

It is hard to live with yourself when you know you have hurt someone who loves you so much and you open your eyes after you caused a damn train wreck and see all the damage you left behind.

I say all this not in his defense really but b/c someone very wise here once scolded me for thinking the WAS has no remorse and could care less @ the damage they have caused.
I will look for that post and paste it here later....


Kel... YOU are a strong Woman for even getting this far and being all alone while he is away... HE LOVES YOU!!!!!! NOT OW.....kick that damn DEVIL off your shoulder and do not listen to it anymore... ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS AND HE IS WITH YOU AND HE LOVES YOU NOT HER AND HE MADE A MISTAKE AND HE DIDNT BRING IT UP ... LOOK WHAT IT HAS DONE TO YOU.. DO YOU THINK HE WANTS TO SEE YOU LIKE THIS? no ... WHY????????????
CAUSE HE LOVES YOU! AND HE HURT YOU ENOUGH.. HE HAS TO LIVE WITH HIMSELF AND THE PAIN HE CAUSED YOU, SURE HE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU BUT IN HIS HEART ... he didnt want to hurt you more..

Do I even make sense?

I hope so and remember you are loved and most of all love yourself enough to know he made a mistake and I am sure when he is alone he thinks about you and what he can do to make you happy.. to just love you... We cannot change the past but we can help mold our future... I see a very bright future for you.

I really do! Focus on the positives... vent here but remember you are WORTHY and an amazing Woman with many strengths!

You do remind me of me.. this is like another slap in your face like the cheating and it feels like you get strong and BOOM!!!!!! get slapped again with something else. Like I am a damn good Woman and I dont deserve this! And you get down on yourself,, dont do it!
He loves you he made a mistake and he took a risk that this New beautiful K was here to stay , that what he was "looking " for was right in front of his damn face... Take care sweetie you will be ok.
Love , Ali
PS if you got to the bottom of my novel,,, can you send me an invite? LOL!!! I am having one of those "NEW" SPARKS drinks,, it is like Malt Liqour & Energy drink all in one, strange but good