Why is the ow so controlling?

[Between Tears]

They put up with this control from the OW/OM because they have heard over and over again from us, family, friends, colleagues they are making a HUGE mistake leaving their family for some cheap fling.... while they, unfortunately, feel they MUST prove everyone wrong, and will do anything to make this unsatisfactory, often sick relationship work.

Also, on some level, they realize they have deeply hurt and nearly destroyed their own family, and some of them feel they are not emotionally strong enough to hurt another person by leaving them too.

It's twisted thinking at best, but to them it is logical.