So as not to hijack Lord's thread, and mine is locked anyway.
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Not to push too hard, because I know you are going through a lot of emotions and have been working hard, but really look into your heart and soul and figure out what YOU want. Would you have put up with a sexless and affectionless marriage much longer even without the cheating and lying? IF the marriage was "good" or at least something you felt committed to, would you fight for your wife despite the cheating and lying? There aren't any right or wrong answers I am looking for but rather the soul searching stuff to make sure YOU are in a good state of mind and feel assured of what your goal in all of this is.
Fearless, I ask myself that every day. What is it that I'm fighting for? Why am I working so hard, enduring so much pain, for a marriage that was -- for most of its 22 years -- very pain-ful?
I still don't think I have the answer, 35 days into this thing. I think it's some mixture of comfort/familiarity, fighting for my kids (esp my boys), and -- frankly -- not wanting to see her WIN in all of this. And, it's a challenge, to see if we can get back to that place we had early in our marriage. I dunno. The problem I've continued to have is, this is NOT just about the affair. I was very unhappy for many, many years before this punk ever came along, and it's now also clear that my wife fell out of love with me several years ago.
At this point, I'm really just fighting to bust up the affair, and to lead her back to a place where her heart is right with God and she's happy moving forward in her life. If that is with me -- great -- I'd love to try. If it's not, well at least I will feel like I did my job.
Choc. _________________________ "Still at the end of every hard-earned day, people find some reason to believe."
