It's so nice to hear from everyone. I've been light on the board the last few days...also been busy at work.

PIT, thanks for coming by. I have read some of your posts in the past, and I'm glad mine can offer some of those "ah hah" moments for you.

Abby, LL, and RJJ, things keep rolling along...

Floyd, I never really looked at how insignificant OM seems when my W said he was just a distraction. Even though I'd like to believe this, I think he was a bit more of a distraction.

Yesterday wasn't a good day for me. I kept thinking about the A. Sometimes it's just so darn difficult to get those images out of my mind. I wasn't Mr. Wonderful to be around, but I think my W understands. I just need to try and get a handle on it because it doesn't help our sitch.

I had a nightmare last night where I was asking my W if there were any others, and she said, "throughout our M there were probably about 10." It was very vivid and very awful. I told my W about it and she tried to reassure that this was the only time. We all know how much worse things are in the middle of the night. It was not a good dream after all the crap I'd been feeling throughout the day.

She called me at work this morning asking how I was doing. I said fine, then she requested I not bring these things up in the middle of the night anymore. She's having a hard enough time lately sleeping with all of her crap that I don't think she wants anything to disrupt what sound sleep she's able to get. I said okay. She said we could talk about it later and I said that sometimes I just have a hard time and that's why my mood changes...and that I didn't want to talk about it later.

I feel so sad sometimes. Like most of you know, the betrayal is almost unbearable. I was telling Umbrella the other day that it's amazing how we talk on the BB about such severely abnormal behavior as "normal." You know, everyday conversation... I know it's negative, but it's like we've lowered the bar on humanity or something...to accept this behavior and try and make it work with these people. Today I feel like "it's all for the kids." I know I should have a forgiving heart, but I've temporarily lost it...

Sorry for the ramblings.

jethro