Update: My W left me last night 6/20/07 @ 7:45PM...
Said that she wonders if there is someone out there better for her that will treat her as good as I do but that won't cheat on her. She left to go stay at her girlfriends house, and plans on dating other guys.
You might at first think I exploded and burst into tears and tried to convince her she was wrong -- but I did none of that! My connection with God has never been stronger and I believe that he wants me to do his will in all areas of my life, and in this case to put my W's needs above my own. I know what I've done; I know what I've taken from her; and I understand that she has doubts. I was in her place 7 months ago. Not knowing if this is the best relationship for me and wondering if there was something better out there for me. Well, I found out the hard way that there isn't, and it is my W that I want to be with forever. No one could have changed my mind when I left, and I have peace in knowing I cannot change hers. I love her, and because of that love I want her to be happy and free of the pain I have caused her. And that means letting her go with love and without resentment and anger. She may come back to me, but she may not. I have no control over that, only God does. I am at peace with the fact that I am being who God wants me to be, I am making Him proud of me, regardless of the pain that others bring into my life.
When it all came down I simply empathized with her position, told her that I love her, I was sorry, and I understand why she has to do this for herself. In all reality, I wasn't happy either. It's tough to keep throwing love at a brickwall. I truely hope and pray that she does find happiness and that that happiness leads her back to me. But ultimately I just want her to be happy. And I'll let God take care of me.
She said she still loves me, but that she doesn't love me the way she did before the affair and she doesn't know if that can come back.
I accept responsibility for what I've done, and the actions I'm taking to make sure that never happens again to my W or any future W.
I hope OldFool and Rosy_Times are still out there with an eye on my thread. It's been awhile so maybe not.
I'm sure I'll be back soon.
Thanks, B
M-30 W-28 S-6, S-5 Bomb dropped 1/4/2007 Back home 4/17/2007 (103 days) "You'll never know God is all you need, until God is all you have."
