No one wants to go back to a sad, mopey, guilt-inducing person.
In my case, I'm mad, touchy and guilt-induing. I used to be sad, fearful and mopey.
I'm hoping to turn my anger in strength and detachment. And eventually fun. I'm surprised how outraged I am right now.
The best thing I can recommend is to have fun. Really enjoy yourself. It sounds impossible right now.
Another important thing is getting rid of the fear of losing him. Once you realize you don't need him, then things will start to change. Our fear and neediness gives them a power-rush.
What are you afraid of, really? Losing someone who lies and cheats on you? If losing him means the end of your life, then perhaps losing him the best thing that happened to you. This affair is a gift of sorts: a chance to figure out who you are and find the path of your heart independent of another person.
As you find the new you, you may attract him back. You will attract him back and transform him in the process. Or..if you do not, and it turns out who he really is amounts to being a narcissitic, lying adulterer, then perhaps you are better off without him.
I'm sorry if I'm speaking in strident moral tones. I'm not too good at the "I'm OK, you're OK" BS people spout these days.
